Imaginary Gardens

Nanowrimo is upon us.

( Excerpt )

3629 / 50000 words. 7% done!


* Newfoundland saying meaning, "May the wind always be in your forward sails."
** Based on a true story as told to me by a friend. The lady sounded adorable.

It's been two months since my last confession post. I've moved into my parents' house, which is doing wonders for my mental health. I still haven't heard back from the university (latest news from like a month ago is that my application is with the department and they'll see it at the next committee meeting, which no one will tell me when that is), which is doing even more wonders. I'm going to Pilates twice a week, which is an exercise in insecurity and holding back my life is pointless tears. I go to the beach a lot but it's getting a tad cool for lying around near naked.

Sister-in-law came for a week so we hung out a couple days. I also went to Burgos and hung out with the family there.

I'm going to be thirty-one tomorrow and I've done fuck-all for another year and I still don't know what I'm doing or whether I'll be doing it at all or even if I want to, not that I ever actually did, and my parents despise me and I feel so lost and miserable.

I thought I had more to say but I'm going to stop now or there will be more stupid fucking crying and fuck that noise to be honest.

So, y'know. Still here, still kicking, still a useless floudering aimless dingy lost at sea.


* Simon, In the Flesh

hey peeps, so update on things

we are still packing and sweet mother of pearl kill me now. (we're basically doing two moves too, like one bunch to spain, the other bunch to mexico, a.k.a. send it here and you'll never see it again) we’ll probably be done tomorrow with everything except the beds, and tuesday they put everything in the truck, and we’ll spend the night at a hotel. i think we’ll drive to spain maybe thursday or friday.

once i get there i need to send my supporting documents (can’t do it now - my dutch transcripts** got sent to spain on account of not trusting the velocity of snail mail) and then work on getting funding. monies, yay.

so i’m pretty much dead to the world ‘cause we’ve been packing shit all day every day for over a week now.

and then in a bit, if all goes well, i get to repack everything for kiwiland.

imma go die now.


* Anon. or uncredited
** after three emails, two phone calls, and talking to three people, i finally got to talk to someone who could send them to me without having me physically go to the office, which was a bit of a problem because europe's small but not that small and it's not like it's free to fly to places. anyway. they've been sent and it's all good. *crosses fingers* same for letters of recommendation - they're either there already or will be soon.

everything is horrible. especially my family.( Read more... )


* Dylan Thomas

So. It's been a while. I'm neither dead nor homeless nor aimless, so that's a plus. Now let me fill you in on the past near two months. ( Read more... )


* "Snow and Dirty Rain", Richard Siken

holy shitmonkeys, two entries in a single month? what is the world coming to!

so i'm being smothered by inertia. ( le complaining )


* Common expression

hello, sweet, sweet internet! i’m back home from hospital (Feb. 14 which happy fucking valentines until today Feb. 22). still have to keep being a bit of a bed-and-couch potato but i’m (basically) okay. (okay and alone in the house for like a month which under any other circumstances would be awesome but right now is the exact opposite.)

(two to three days they said. my ass i say. also full report on all the prodding and poking later but let me tell you that the aftermath of a lumbar puncture? CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT. it doesn't hit everyone the same but oh sweet jesus i basically had a three day migraine)

and now, to catch up on everything

or sleep. sleep is good.


* Granny Weatherwax, Discworld

I have been having a two-part flail breakdown on Tumblr so hiya.( Read more... )


* TPratchett, Feet of Clay (1996)

h'okay.

tomorrow morning i've got the neurologist appointment and since it's in the ass-end of the city (like, go to the end of the metro line and then take a bus), it'll be an early morning. and since it's at 10 a.m. and resonance stuff is going to be happening, it'll also be a long morning.

so yay.

this is how i feel about things at the moment:

meaning i am quietly and constantly freaking out

and my brain keeps throwing you're going bliiiiiind thoughts at me, with a dose of braaain tumors can do this toooooooooo which is just about as fun as you can imagine because i'm basically just going

and it's stupid because - well, it's just alarmist shit, is what it is.

it could be anything, it could be nothing (well, okay, it's not nothing because something's happened but it could not be happening any more than it is already, if that makes sense). so no reason to worry.

also the idea of the actual i don't even know what they're going to do to me tomorrow is freaking me out a bit.

and then i also worry 'cause the folks are going to be on holiday for like a month which means if shit really goes down i'll be on my lonesome and fuckety fuck fuck

also FUCKING KIWILAND anxiety is always there especially since goddamnit professor person talk to me (not that i've checked my email today...or will do so tomorrow because ahaha dying)

so basically i give up on being a human being tomorrow for most of the day.

(i was going to make a more coherent actually-for-livejournal post but then my brain cells wouldn't rub up against each other and yeah. i'll write a thing sometime during the weekend.)


* Robert Lynn Asprin

I've been meaning to ramble here for something close to a week. I've been terrible at keeping any sort of diary for ages now, partly because nothing ever happens and partly because what does, I actually have someone to talk to about. So there's less of a pressing need to write it down.

But, hell, let's do that. ( Read more... )

Also, happy Crêpe Day! We're making Crêpe Suzette, except we don't set them on fire (that gets rid of the alcohol! Why would we want to do that?!) and instead let them simmer in the pan with the liquor and orange juice for a bit.


* Kiwi saying, meaning, "everything will work out fine"