Imaginary Gardens

When I was younger, I had a really good drama teacher for a year. Apart from setting up a wonderful puppet show using different puppet styles (I controlled the bunny and helped make the paper mache tucan) and him being a mime at the drama show (which would've gotten him sent to the scorpion pit by Vetinari), there's one other thing I remember clearly about those times.

He made us do a mental experiment in which we'd lie down and imagine that a great weight was pinning our limbs to the ground. Then we were asked to raise our arms. Most other people reported not being able to, but I felt nothing out of the ordinary and just pretended to struggle a bit.

Today, though, I know exactly what they meant. Moving, getting dressed, making the bed, hell, even putting thoughts together: I have to tackle these one minute action at a time. And then I'll just randomly break out into tears and be completely incapable of moving. And I just know that if I had one ounce more of will power, if I just stopped faking it all and pulled myself together like I know I can (there are a number of lies in this clause) then I could go about my business.

I woke up late again (seriously, I don't know why I have an alarm clock anyway). I've been dilly-dallying about going to work, but have finally decided that no, I can't. I've promised myself I'll try to work from home for a bit today, and make an actual day of it tomorrow. My knees are hurting again. They didn't when I woke up this morning, making it the first break in a few days, but they're back with a vengeance now. This makes me want to do absolutely nothing at all.

But the real reason I'm doing fuck-all again today and being an absolute failure at anything is that I can't seem to function. I've made a list of basic things I need to do to even make it out the door. And make it out the door I will: I need food and I'm going to send those godsdamned postcards for once and for all.

SMP Films: When Life Gets You Down: ( Embedded )


* Warren Buffett

It's near 2 pm and I'm just starting the day. (Well, I read some NC-17 RPF with breakfast, but that's not actually "starting" the day.)

I'm all prettified and booted-up, my purse is stocked up with a travel guide, The Well of Lost Plots and my writing notebook (because I think I'm finally out of my Hero's Manual funk), as well as my camera and an apple. I've got the rest of American Gods on my trusty 'Pod, though the earphones are lame KLM "souvenirs" because my actually earphones have died on the left-side.

My plan? Shimmy off to Amsterdam - whiling away the train ride with some creativity - and check out some touristy neighbourhods. Maybe a coffeshop-stop will be included, where I'll accompany fod with a little more creativity. Then 'round 5 pm, Gregorian chant. Then some more wandering, culminating in motion sickness c/o Cloverfield.

What I'll probably do? Wander around the same old pedestrian streets as always, listen to some Gregorian chant, wander around some more, utterly fail to find a decent coffe place, and the waltz on back home, hungry and tired.

And I am typing this instead of actually doing it because... I got nothin'.


* rex_dart, here. It's true!

I've been watching Jerry Seinfeld in New York (Part 1 of 7) and realize that I much prefer Eddie Izzard. Not just because he's more energetic and does better mime - and looks bloody gorgeous to boot - but because he's intellectually stimulating. A few times whilst watching Jerry I had to stop my gut reaction of "No! But that's not the way it is at all!" and just enjoy the joke. Meh.

I haven't been out of the house yet, and highly doubt I will, as it's 6 pm and pitch black already. Plus, where would I go? Blimey big city, centre of government and what not, but honestly? Boreing as all hell to walk about it. Stores were closed on Saturday at 7 pm. Streets were empty. There are no malls - which, gods, do I miss that concept - and walking around chinatown isn't as awesome as it should be.

I might do some random exercises at home whilst listening to American Gods, which is my lifeline to sanity at the moment. (Except Bilqis' death, which still left me shaken the second time around.)

ETA: "Two signed and numbered limited editions have been released by Hill House Publishers. They are 12,000 words longer than the mass market editions and represent Neil Gaiman's preferred edition." Bugger.

I spoke to my brother, who doesn't sound as depressed as he has for a while, and he actually said he liked talking to me! *squee* Yeah, we're not explicitly appreciating of each other anymore.

I've checked out the forms I have to fill in for the internship, and have, of course, been scared shitless. The details they ask! Exact dates! Telephone numbers! I don't know! And yeah, still have to google for articles to see if a possible topic is doable, or if it's just a massive black hole of information.

Aw hell, I'm just going to post a fake cut on heores_macros to my macros; the Tea Story definately, and maybe my first macro post, but that one's a bit more iffy. I never did delete the "Lestat" off of Mr Muggles... Probably never will.

And beta.

And not crawl onto the sofa and hide under the pillow. *eyes longingly*

I think it's basically that I'm just terribly lonely. My last social interaction was Thursday, for gods' sake, and the last significant social interaction was on Tuesday. And the last time I had a social network? Early two-thousand-fuckin'-five.

*incoherent mumbling* *stares at wall*

( Memes )

Quote of the Day: Marquis de Sade

My manner of thinking stems straight from my considered reflections; it holds with my existence, with the way I am made. It is not in my power to alter is; and were it, I'd not do so. This manner of thinking you find fault with is my sole consolation in life; it alleviates all my sufferings in prison, it composes all my pleasures in the world outside, it is dearer to me than life itself. Not my manner of thinking but the manner of thinking of others has been the source of my unhappiness.

Links of the Day:
Oscar Nominees - Go Bardem! And am miffed that El orfanato wasn't nomm'd for Foreign Films. Maybe it was too late of an entry?
Eddie Izzard wikiquotes
American Gods: deity list, including clues to guessing the forgotten god
Honor roll: Fantasy Books
ISFDB Topp 100 Books, subdivided into sections


* Eddie Izzard, Unrepeatable

This is the Serious Post I mentioned I was writing. How serious of a post is this? It’s of a personal nature regarding the death of a close family member.

Clickety if you want, comment if you like.
I just felt it was high time I wrote this down.

( Posts written at the time. )

[3:50 pm] Saturday; January 12, 2008: Den Haag
( Where I wrote this. )

( The bulk of it all. )

( ETA )


* The Body, BtVS 5x16
** Total tally of cigarettes whilst writing this: 16
*** I’m now afraid to go to the bathroom, least I never, ever, get the tights back on. Instruments of torture and meditation/patience exercises, I tell you!
**** Ironically, inevitably, they did break – or rather, burst – when I hunkered down a bit to check out a tiny statue of Ganesh. Damn you, the Eternally Compassionate!

The "What I did on my holidays" post, in list-form.

( Once across the pond, where did I go? )

( What life was like across ze pond. )

( What was obtained in the land of plenty. )

( Books brought across the pond, whoot whoot! With blurbs! )

( Movies watched whilst across the pond, whoot! )


* metaquoted pouringsand

A present from me to you: Sylar scenes all in one go! Hell yeah! Take it while it's 'cause he's hot!

Found and posted Chapter 22 of Hero's Manual. Not that anyone reads it. *pout*

In other news, a government branch - represented by a group of three - came into my house today to check on the house itself (whether it was livable and safe) and that everyone registered to live here actually was (and vice versa) and had contracts. How truly Dutch.

It was a bizarre experience, because a) while it was 1 pm, I hadn't even had breakfast yet and b) authority law figures make me somewhat uncomfortable in case, somehow, they decide I'm guilty of something. But everything went well and all my papers checked out. I even tought one of 'em something - namely that my Spanish ID is valid for all of Eurpoe, 'cause we're a loving community who accepts things like this.

Yesterday's outing was most excellent. Lander picked me up on his bike - riding double is a very difficult thing indeed! *death grip* - and we went to Proost, where we had a choice of two social events. We eventually settled for the backroom, where his International Law collegues were playing darts. (I threw for the first time ever, with noticable improvement. Watching professional dart shooters, as I have previously done, doesn't help you, but it's entertaining. Ish.) The people were really nice and interesting and, while my body still screamed "I'm nervous and shy and not at all relaxed!", my face was a-giggle and I enjoyed myself. One extra-nice thing was that there was one guy, Ashran or Asran, whom I was a bit attracted to, and we got along nicely. :D

Tomorrow is my internship meeting, and I might meet up with Mariska (email recept pending). Friday I'm heading off to Amsterdam with Lander and whoever cares to join for museum fun.

ETA: Why I feel I should be watching Torchwood: holy smokin' Jack/James!


Links of the Day:
Generation Terrorists - quotastic!
More metaquotes Movies that ought to Be (oakenguy's monkey army) and Songs that Ought to Be (morelen's I'm Cold Song
metaquotes explains why not to be a zombie
Tom Cruise talks about Scientology - While I definately woudln't call this "terrifyingly creepy", there are a few moments where I definately balk and crash up against a wall of WTF Wrong! And as scary as I find religion sometimes, and the "We are the authority on x" mentality, I do realize that if it gives people the strength and impulse to "go out and help", that may be a good thing. (Unless by help they mean convert, burn at the stake, etc.)


* Moving Pictures, TPratchett

*waves*

This is just to say that a) I'm not dead and b) internet has finally stopped teasing me and is finally back on. I'll be needing a longer cable than the one I just bought, but still.

Also, the growth spurt from 15 back to 24 was excruciating.

*finishes watching The Hitchhiker's Guide*

*eyes half-emptied suitcases*

*gets smacked by guilt of not having started studying for Dutch exam yet*

*sigh*

Have a Random Facts meme via rexdart instead: ( Read more... )


* ibid meme

A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.*

Happy Impending Doom New Year's Eve!

Progress Reports:
1) Sylar Recap compilation: complete but unposted/shared
2) blizzardcake's cookies: research completed, creation pending
3) Cracktastic "Pimp My Sylar" project: preliminary research ongoing
4) Latetest chapter of Hero's Manual: *death-throes*

I've got some 100 entries on my FList to go through. *sigh* I'll comment, even if it ends up being weeks late. Ditto for fics. I'm so behind on Heroes fics, it's not even funny. (It's more of a looming doom sort of thing.)

*scurries off to kitchen*

Edit: I lied about the scurrying. I also missed Dr Who's Christmas Special Voyage of the Damned. See possibly) spoilery reviews here by 45eugenia and here by fallen_iceangel

*scurry*


Links of the Day:
Eddie Izzard to voice Reepicheep - *day is made*
Neil Gaiman posts a link to a Coraline sneak preview.


* Bill Vaughn

I'm in Toronto, back in my parents' home, after one whole year away. I can't remember where the dishes go, and the light switches are at funny heights, and I'm not exactly sleeping in my bed - Brother got there first, so I've got the guest drawer-bed thingy - but it's good to be home.

It's bloody fantastic to be with my family again, despite, yes, the novelty wearing off today and people being themselves and old patterns being worn even deeper.

But, happy and giving improptu hugs all the time. *happy sigh*

I'm also still jetlagged, so...

One more thing: tomorrow, I'm meeting lienne. *squees at ultrasonic frequencies*


* Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

How can I best explain how tired I am?

If Sylar were to walk into my room, lathered in oil like a Christmas Turkey, wearing nothing but ( an LJ-cut tag )

Yes. I am that tired.

(I would, of course, encourage him to vent his frustration on the guy downstairs. The "thump thumpathumpa thump" must stop! Melt his stereo, pin him to the wall, cover him in cockroaches, I don't care.)

Our wiki pages are a thing of beauty, and I'm fine as all presenting the poster tomorrow. During presentations today, one group did water bears, also called t-something-or-other, and made a multi-legged WWF panda, and renamed it World T-something Fund. Truly, WTF! *giggles hysterically*

Also, I've probably very-definately failed my Dutch exam. Both of them, in fact. I'll still be shocked, of course, but really, I didn't study (I haven't even had time to breathe). I was also pretty dead to the world by then, having worked all day straight without a single break and fed off of a handful of granola bars.

ETA: Confirmed fail. *sigh* How I managed to pass the Culture section, though, is beyond me.

Now, I have to pack. I have to pack a hell of a lot of stuff. I don't even know what I have to pack.

This is not going to go well.


ETA: ( The creepy-ass Emails of Loooove from Profesor *** Saga continues. )

*whistles* Oh, Sylar! Got another one for you. Then, maybe, we'll do something about the sexing. But you're helping me pack first.


* Sail Away, Sweet Sister, Queen