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bending_sickleSo. It's been a while. I'm neither dead nor homeless nor aimless, so that's a plus. Now let me fill you in on the past near two months.
The PhD Application
So as y'all may remember, I freaked out 'cause prof person emailed me all "Do you still want to do the thing". Well, prof person’s last email was on Mar. 30, and my flailing response emails were on Apr. 4, Apr. 14, and Apr. 24. Well shortly after that (Tumblr says it was three weeks ago and I'm not about to open up my gmail to fucking check), pro person emailed and didn't even try to apologize for taking a month to reply after they'd been all "please reply asap" or for my obvious meltdown or even reassure me that yes, things were still on track...but apparently they're on track.
So I've been working on the online application, which is step one. (Like, Official Step One, as opposed to all these other steps I've been doing since August of last year. Oy vey.) Most of that work was spent drafting an email to potential referral people, which honestly was more work than it should've been. It wasn't even work well spent, 'cause one referral is out of the office and gods know when they'll be back because they sure as hell didn't say in their out of office automatic email, and the other referral was all "please do the work for me" so I did what I could (filled out what I could on the form, gave them some talking points for the letter). I think they've accepted to be my referral, in that they sent me an email with no text but a Fwd from the student info people saying they'd get to his query, which was titled something like "[Reference] Sickle Last-Name" except that's the wrong email to send it to and my name was spelt wrong. So I emailed back all "Erm?" and I'm still waiting to see if things are okay.
I think I have all the other papers for the online application (well, a second pair of eyes is going over the form where I list my relevant previous experience, because a CV isn't enough apparently, even though they ask for one too). I don't have the actual papers done, like the verified copies of my passport or transcripts, which... *choked laughter*
Anyway. That's happening. Progress. Yes, good.
Although I got stumped for a moment working on the first page of the application because they wanted my phone and address and I realized I couldn't give them the one in Italy so there was panic and flailage but thankfully I can use my uncle's address. But then I lost all the data I'd filled in because where is their save draft button and then I just gave up for the evening. So yeah I haven't done the application yet, which I wanted to do today. Argh.
Also, my dad and bro know about this, but not my mom, because I don't want her either a) breathing down my neck about this, or b) saying it's a stupid idea. I wanted to have the application done soon so I could smack that on her desk and have it done with, or better yet, an offer from the university (oh gods though the paperwork that needs to happen), but...
I'm going to have to tell her at some point - probably before the whole "so, we're leaving to Spain. Where do you think you're going?" talk - but um ahaha yes.
The Housing Situation
So (and I need to stop staring sentences with "so") my dad's retired (well technically he's on holiday until September, I think, but yeah) and so the parents are leaving Italy. Seeing as I live with them, this is a bit of an issue, in that I have no idea where I'm going to go. Obviously I'm not going to go to New Zealand any time soon, so I hope to be able to stay with the folks until then. Except the folks don't have a home either (yay) so they're apartment hunting in Spain at the moment. Mom was all screeching anger and "She is not living with us" at one point and then Dad came to me all "You can always stay with us" so I'm not really sure I'll be able to stay with them wherever they end up. There's always my uncles but I've already stayed with them a good bit and I don't know if I can call on that favour some more.
But the fact is, we've got people coming to see the house we're living in, taking up afternoons of our time while they examine our home, which always makes me anxious, and we've also got people coming in to see the furniture to see how to pack it away. And we'll be leaving in mid June and I don't know where I'll end up but at least my stuff is going to Spain (or at least to some holding cargo thingy that will eventually make it to Spain). I don't know where I'll go.Die in a ditch somewhere, probably.
And this is all making my parents really anxious and stressed, which means a lot of shouting and insulting, which means it's really fucking hard to do anything in this house, much less stressful things like a PhD application.
So there's that, which is great.
The Family
My bro and sister-in-law came to visit for a few days (they finally got their Green Cards and so could leave and, more importantly, re-enter the US) and...it wasn't good. Like, I hadn't seen them in two years (in which I've done noooooothiiiiiing) and you'd think it'd kill him to chill with me.
For example: The day after they get here, the three of us young folk are going to go out for a walk. I ask my bro if he's set and I should get my shoes on, and he says yes. Two hours later, he and s-i-l are ready to go and bro is all "...you're not going to come out with us every day, right?"
(ETA: We left at lunch time, leaving mom with a side of lamb she'd bought for bro all sad and lonely and "well, I guess we'll have it for dinner", and me starving because did I mention it was lunch time? But they weren't, so we couldn't just stay home and have lunch, right? Except the moment we're outside, bro is all "Screw everything, I need food first thing." And I'm just like, "Seriously? Seriously? We leave at lunch time, when mom is all excited to cook you a thing you like, and you want to have a slice of street pizza instead? At the place that we've told you is totally closed?")
And then there's the whole bit where he made me cry. Twice. On two separate occasions. Because he didn't like my tone of voice so he was criticizing everything about me. And Dad was all "Oh psh, why're you crying, it's not that bad."
So idek why he came, to be honest.
Anyway, they were here a week and I slept in the living room and hardly had time to myself which translates to a week lost on the application progress, which for fuck's sake.
Random
I watched The Covenant (2006) because Sebastian Stan, and lo and behold, there was one of my old lecture halls from university. Ah, the nostalgia.
General
So I've been very anxious lately - except this week 'cause the parents have been in Spain since Tuesday, which means I forget to feed myself but remember how to laugh, so that's a good enough pay-off. I'm working on things one at a time and trying to get that proposal going and it's a kick in the lungs every time I think about it.
Social
I've failed at calling M to hang out ever since she cancelled our Captain America because of a dinner they'd planned (yeah I know, I was all *squinty face* at that sudden change of plans). She called me before my bro came and I've...not...called back. Because I'm a horrible person.
I have, however, had lunch with G who is a darling, and I owe her an email with a bunch of links which...I shall do presently.
But at the moment I'm pretty much a hermit? I went out yesterday and exchanged a few words with the lady at the supermarket but yeah, all my social interaction lately has been typed. Which, I mean, yay, friends, don't get me wrong (I love yooooooou) but at the same time, I am woefully lacking in cuddles. (My bro gave me like two hugs that weren't "I just landed" or "I'm leaving" which *huffs*)
Productivity That Doesn't Matter
My parents got me an iPad via my bro because they're in that "get all the things we need before the retirement income cripples up" plan, which means I've been reading again. Look, the physical books I've been working on are horrible, either because they're dull as fuck and written in a style you need to wade through with a fisherman's suit (The Worm Ouroboros) or because they're likewise currently dull as fuck and written in an impenetrable style translated to French because that's what I get for reading my brother's books (The Silmarillion). But now that I can read electronic books (of which I have like 29834948573)...well, I've been catching up on a fanfic (Frailty), but to be fair, it's epic and excellent and currently at 446202 words and 91 chapters.
What I haven't done is read everyone's meta and fic and novel chapters and I'm so sorry I'm so behind.
I've given half a go at working on fanvids again, although the best I've managed is making some clips for later use. Ah, projects that take years and years, how I loathe ye. (Also Windows Movie Maker is less than helpful at times, what with crashing all the time and also not making imported files into a selection of clips like it says it can).
I've also managed to write stuff. I haven't written in my main project since the first week of April but...a little is better than nothing, I guess.
Anyway, here's the stuff I've got done recently:
Drabbles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Durin Family Feels: Part 10
Durin Family Feels: Modern Au: Introductory Post
Fanmixes: Dreaming is a Horrible Waste: Repeat Songs of Early 2014, Son of the Oak: Fanmix for Thorin Eksköldson of Durin Family Feels: Modern AU
Fanart: Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit's Wargs vs. Bad Taxidermy, A Softer World Remix: One day you will be king and you will understand.
ETA: Also I shared this really personal (and sitting on the back of a massive trope that everyone instinctively hisses at) WIP fic (that will never see the light of day 'cause it's just a self-indulgent thing) (but one I'm pretty proud of some passages) with two peeps which wow, self and one never got back on this (which *sigh* okay they're busy) and still terrified on that reaction but one's gotten back (at least on some excerpts, not the whole thing yet) and actually kinda excited and happy and not (too) terrified? Yay peep /o/
...PARENTHESES!
* "Snow and Dirty Rain", Richard Siken
The PhD Application
So as y'all may remember, I freaked out 'cause prof person emailed me all "Do you still want to do the thing". Well, prof person’s last email was on Mar. 30, and my flailing response emails were on Apr. 4, Apr. 14, and Apr. 24. Well shortly after that (Tumblr says it was three weeks ago and I'm not about to open up my gmail to fucking check), pro person emailed and didn't even try to apologize for taking a month to reply after they'd been all "please reply asap" or for my obvious meltdown or even reassure me that yes, things were still on track...but apparently they're on track.
So I've been working on the online application, which is step one. (Like, Official Step One, as opposed to all these other steps I've been doing since August of last year. Oy vey.) Most of that work was spent drafting an email to potential referral people, which honestly was more work than it should've been. It wasn't even work well spent, 'cause one referral is out of the office and gods know when they'll be back because they sure as hell didn't say in their out of office automatic email, and the other referral was all "please do the work for me" so I did what I could (filled out what I could on the form, gave them some talking points for the letter). I think they've accepted to be my referral, in that they sent me an email with no text but a Fwd from the student info people saying they'd get to his query, which was titled something like "[Reference] Sickle Last-Name" except that's the wrong email to send it to and my name was spelt wrong. So I emailed back all "Erm?" and I'm still waiting to see if things are okay.
I think I have all the other papers for the online application (well, a second pair of eyes is going over the form where I list my relevant previous experience, because a CV isn't enough apparently, even though they ask for one too). I don't have the actual papers done, like the verified copies of my passport or transcripts, which... *choked laughter*
Anyway. That's happening. Progress. Yes, good.
Although I got stumped for a moment working on the first page of the application because they wanted my phone and address and I realized I couldn't give them the one in Italy so there was panic and flailage but thankfully I can use my uncle's address. But then I lost all the data I'd filled in because where is their save draft button and then I just gave up for the evening. So yeah I haven't done the application yet, which I wanted to do today. Argh.
Also, my dad and bro know about this, but not my mom, because I don't want her either a) breathing down my neck about this, or b) saying it's a stupid idea. I wanted to have the application done soon so I could smack that on her desk and have it done with, or better yet, an offer from the university (oh gods though the paperwork that needs to happen), but...
I'm going to have to tell her at some point - probably before the whole "so, we're leaving to Spain. Where do you think you're going?" talk - but um ahaha yes.
The Housing Situation
So (and I need to stop staring sentences with "so") my dad's retired (well technically he's on holiday until September, I think, but yeah) and so the parents are leaving Italy. Seeing as I live with them, this is a bit of an issue, in that I have no idea where I'm going to go. Obviously I'm not going to go to New Zealand any time soon, so I hope to be able to stay with the folks until then. Except the folks don't have a home either (yay) so they're apartment hunting in Spain at the moment. Mom was all screeching anger and "She is not living with us" at one point and then Dad came to me all "You can always stay with us" so I'm not really sure I'll be able to stay with them wherever they end up. There's always my uncles but I've already stayed with them a good bit and I don't know if I can call on that favour some more.
But the fact is, we've got people coming to see the house we're living in, taking up afternoons of our time while they examine our home, which always makes me anxious, and we've also got people coming in to see the furniture to see how to pack it away. And we'll be leaving in mid June and I don't know where I'll end up but at least my stuff is going to Spain (or at least to some holding cargo thingy that will eventually make it to Spain). I don't know where I'll go.
And this is all making my parents really anxious and stressed, which means a lot of shouting and insulting, which means it's really fucking hard to do anything in this house, much less stressful things like a PhD application.
So there's that, which is great.
The Family
My bro and sister-in-law came to visit for a few days (they finally got their Green Cards and so could leave and, more importantly, re-enter the US) and...it wasn't good. Like, I hadn't seen them in two years (in which I've done noooooothiiiiiing) and you'd think it'd kill him to chill with me.
For example: The day after they get here, the three of us young folk are going to go out for a walk. I ask my bro if he's set and I should get my shoes on, and he says yes. Two hours later, he and s-i-l are ready to go and bro is all "...you're not going to come out with us every day, right?"
(ETA: We left at lunch time, leaving mom with a side of lamb she'd bought for bro all sad and lonely and "well, I guess we'll have it for dinner", and me starving because did I mention it was lunch time? But they weren't, so we couldn't just stay home and have lunch, right? Except the moment we're outside, bro is all "Screw everything, I need food first thing." And I'm just like, "Seriously? Seriously? We leave at lunch time, when mom is all excited to cook you a thing you like, and you want to have a slice of street pizza instead? At the place that we've told you is totally closed?")
And then there's the whole bit where he made me cry. Twice. On two separate occasions. Because he didn't like my tone of voice so he was criticizing everything about me. And Dad was all "Oh psh, why're you crying, it's not that bad."
So idek why he came, to be honest.
Anyway, they were here a week and I slept in the living room and hardly had time to myself which translates to a week lost on the application progress, which for fuck's sake.
Random
I watched The Covenant (2006) because Sebastian Stan, and lo and behold, there was one of my old lecture halls from university. Ah, the nostalgia.
General
So I've been very anxious lately - except this week 'cause the parents have been in Spain since Tuesday, which means I forget to feed myself but remember how to laugh, so that's a good enough pay-off. I'm working on things one at a time and trying to get that proposal going and it's a kick in the lungs every time I think about it.
Social
I've failed at calling M to hang out ever since she cancelled our Captain America because of a dinner they'd planned (yeah I know, I was all *squinty face* at that sudden change of plans). She called me before my bro came and I've...not...called back. Because I'm a horrible person.
I have, however, had lunch with G who is a darling, and I owe her an email with a bunch of links which...I shall do presently.
But at the moment I'm pretty much a hermit? I went out yesterday and exchanged a few words with the lady at the supermarket but yeah, all my social interaction lately has been typed. Which, I mean, yay, friends, don't get me wrong (I love yooooooou) but at the same time, I am woefully lacking in cuddles. (My bro gave me like two hugs that weren't "I just landed" or "I'm leaving" which *huffs*)
Productivity That Doesn't Matter
My parents got me an iPad via my bro because they're in that "get all the things we need before the retirement income cripples up" plan, which means I've been reading again. Look, the physical books I've been working on are horrible, either because they're dull as fuck and written in a style you need to wade through with a fisherman's suit (The Worm Ouroboros) or because they're likewise currently dull as fuck and written in an impenetrable style translated to French because that's what I get for reading my brother's books (The Silmarillion). But now that I can read electronic books (of which I have like 29834948573)...well, I've been catching up on a fanfic (Frailty), but to be fair, it's epic and excellent and currently at 446202 words and 91 chapters.
What I haven't done is read everyone's meta and fic and novel chapters and I'm so sorry I'm so behind.
I've given half a go at working on fanvids again, although the best I've managed is making some clips for later use. Ah, projects that take years and years, how I loathe ye. (Also Windows Movie Maker is less than helpful at times, what with crashing all the time and also not making imported files into a selection of clips like it says it can).
I've also managed to write stuff. I haven't written in my main project since the first week of April but...a little is better than nothing, I guess.
Anyway, here's the stuff I've got done recently:
Drabbles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Durin Family Feels: Part 10
Durin Family Feels: Modern Au: Introductory Post
Fanmixes: Dreaming is a Horrible Waste: Repeat Songs of Early 2014, Son of the Oak: Fanmix for Thorin Eksköldson of Durin Family Feels: Modern AU
Fanart: Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit's Wargs vs. Bad Taxidermy, A Softer World Remix: One day you will be king and you will understand.
ETA: Also I shared this really personal (and sitting on the back of a massive trope that everyone instinctively hisses at) WIP fic (that will never see the light of day 'cause it's just a self-indulgent thing) (but one I'm pretty proud of some passages) with two peeps which wow, self and one never got back on this (which *sigh* okay they're busy) and still terrified on that reaction but one's gotten back (at least on some excerpts, not the whole thing yet) and actually kinda excited and happy and not (too) terrified? Yay peep /o/
...PARENTHESES!
* "Snow and Dirty Rain", Richard Siken
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no subject
Date: 2014-05-24 07:54 am (UTC)*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs*
no subject
Date: 2014-05-24 08:37 am (UTC)*clinging continues*
(Also the parents come home tonight which ugh no why.)
no subject
Date: 2014-05-24 08:41 am (UTC)Go to a library. Go to a libraryyyyyyyyyyyyyy. All the peaceful quieeeeeeeeet. All the boooooooooooks.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-27 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-27 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-28 07:18 pm (UTC)I should read your stuffs! You have, after all, done me the courtesy of reading mine. It is only fair. It's probably fair of me to post the conclusion of my stuffs, but we'll discuss that shortly. ;-)
no subject
Date: 2014-05-28 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-29 10:23 am (UTC)...fudgenuggets sound delicious
You've read my stuff! Like, numerous novels of my stuff! So there is absolutely no pressure at all on you. You've got the Reading of Stuff card all stamped, entitling you to a free pass.
Don't think I haven't forgotten you promised an epilogue. *expectant squint*
And yay! Transatlantic hugs! *hugs back*
(When are you off to Ye Far Side of the world? I have no idea when I'll be hunting for liquor in the land of kiwis, but I suspect I'll probably be making frustrated gestures somewhere in Europe while you're over in that hemisphere. This makes me sad.)
no subject
Date: 2014-05-29 12:30 pm (UTC)Also, epilogue. Coming soon to a journal near you!
no subject
Date: 2014-05-29 01:44 pm (UTC)Yay epilogue!
no subject
Date: 2014-05-29 09:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-29 10:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-30 05:51 pm (UTC)And, on an unrelated note, BANANA BREAD! It's sitting IN THE OVEN! Hopefully it's BAKING OR WHATEVER THE FUCK BREAD DOES! You said mash the bananas without mercy, and I PULVERIZED THEM INTO PASTE! Let the culinary Armageddon BEGIN!
That gif is STILL FREAKY! Holy CRAP!
no subject
Date: 2014-05-30 08:00 pm (UTC)And WHOOT WHOOT BANANA BREAD ALL UP IN HERE! I have faith in your culinary...well let's not call them "skills". Your culinary somethings. Report back upon tasting :D
no subject
Date: 2014-05-30 08:09 pm (UTC)