bending_sickle | Now everything's ruined*

Yoooooo.

So the move is still being Moved, officially speaking, in that I'm still at my uncles' place which is a block away from my parents' new place which is still full of boxes but we can has furniture because yay our stuff got here. So we have a home and our stuff and everything's sorta working out alright.

Today I checked with UPS and they've just delivered the hard copies of my application so they'll be giving me a reply in like three weeks or so which yay.

All of these things and the time in between would be getting a shitton more paragraphs from me and I'd be regaling y'all with tales of the ferry across the Mediterranean and about the beach and the new house and fuckery with the internet and all the things.

But I just got an email from the prof person who's going to be my supervisor and.

And well everything's fucked and I'm having a not-at-all minor breakdown and.

And well look apparently he's leaving the university in like Christmas and going to Australia and he's like "I'll totally still be involved with you and also help you find someone to like be there on the ground with you and it can all be okay" and also he's like "or you could come with me to Australia" and "this was in the works since May but I couldn't talk about it because legalities" and I just.

I'm like.

I can't.

Like okay you couldn't tell me outright but maybe be like "yo maybe chillax with the application???? for reasons????????" Because now like if I do decide to go follow him to whatsit, like, APPLICATION ALL OVER AGAIN and like dudebro those hardcopies are fucking lost and do you know how many hoops I had to jump to get them? DO YOU?

And then like. I had my heart set on Kiwiland. I was so happy about it.

But then like. I don't give two fucks about the project topic? Like it was just 'cause that was his thing and I could do it and yay something to do? So like science-wise I could so totally go "fuck everything" and so stuff with bats in Australia. But. But like. Goddamnit I worked on that proposal for months. And. And now I'd have to start all over again? ALL OVER AGAIN????????? With the proposal and the application and AND HAVE YOU SEEN AUSTRALIA'S POLITICS LIKE WOW NOT GOOD I WAS SO HAPPY TO NOT HAVE CHOSEN AUSTRALIA AND NOW WHAT DO I DO.

Like.

Kiwiland nice. Research subject idgaf. Australia okay. Research subject again idgaf.

And then like. It'd be nice to go study with a prof who ~believes in me~ or whatever? Like at least he's sorta in my corner or knows me or.

WHAT THE FUCK DO I TELL HIM. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO.

WHY IS THE UNIVERSE FUCKING ME OVER WHY CAN'T ANYTHING EVER FUCKING WORK WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

* "Everything's Ruined", Faith No More