I messed up*

[bending_sickle]

Today's been a blank day. I stayed in - although for the first time in months I did excercises - and did nothing but be disgruntled and angry because actually I'm frustrated and sad and watch Dara O Briain Live at the Theatre Royal in the hopes of self-medicating with humor and reading House Rules by Jodi Picoult. It worked for a while but now I'm back to the recent status quo and I'm further annoyed because I just want my parents to ask me what's wrong and mean it, or try to help, instead of trying to help like my mother trys to help, which is listing out all the things I should be doing and obviously aren't and how I should perk up and pay attention at how my life is slipping away. I mean, I'm sitting there, practically spelling it out for her that I just want her to ask me how I am and how I'm feeling and show that she cares and I'm not getting any of that, just a show of ways I fail, and that's not helping, so I fail even more because I can't do anything anyway. Oh, and I have my first class of German tomorrow, which means I'm pretty terrified over the whole thing because it's a class, and I haven't been in one in ages, and there'll be people, and that's new, and I haven't done any German yet or in the past four years and I'll be a great huge failure. I want a do-over for the past decade or so.

Random Thoughts of the Day:

• All the while I was reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower I not only felt like crying, but also had the strange desire to write out the book as letters and actually send them to someone on the dates the letters were dated.


• I wonder whether anyone's made the fanmix that Charlie made in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. likewinning has a fanmix, but it's original. I'd just really like to hear the mix tape that Charlie made. I might have to make it myself, I guess...


• The English language - and infact, every language - really out to have a two forms of "we": one that's inclusive and one that's exclusive, so that you can have the situation where a group of people are together and one says to another, "We're going to a party," and the person knows whether they are included or not. I mean, there should be a "we but not you" and a "we including you" form.

Links of the Day:
Supernatural:
tartysuz's Review & Interviews 6x10 - Caged Heat
sylvia_bond's Meta The Fan Whisperer, Part 2
crossroadsdemon's Meta Life Force and Souls in the Season 2 Premiere
leonidaslion's flocked State of the Lion - Update on fics currently in progress. ; Fic Fumbling in the Dark High (The Rapture), href="http://community.livejournal.com/leonidasden/113936.html">Awkward (Jump the Shark), King (When the levee Breaks)
princess_aleera's Fic Five Ways Dean and Castiel Went Dancing in the Minefields ( And One Way They Danced Somewhere Completely Different)
nightrider101's Fic The Evolution of a Relationship
cozzybob's Fic Devils and Gods
emerald_embers' Fic One Step Forward, Two Steps Back, All the Things I KNow Right Now
gooferdusty's Fic This Is No Place Like Home
ash_carpenter's Fic Psychotically, Irrationally, Erotically Co-Dependent: A Day in the Lives of Sam & Dean
lonelyphoenix85's Fic Leave No Man Behind (Not Even Suicidal Archangels)
serialkarma's Fic Four Times Castiel Succumbed to the Sin of Jealousy, and One Time He Succumbed to Another Sin Entirely
orlisroses29's Fanvid Supernatural Fun Snippets / Four and a Half
hotforangels' Fanvid Always Remember (Dean&Castiel)
zenamydog's Fanvid Not Meant to Be
cupidsbow's Fanvid Playing to Win (Dean/Castiel)
sakuri69's Fanvid Love Me Dead
kjcharmed's Fanvid Farewell
egsparks' BtVS's Crossover Fanvid Loving You is Suicide (Cordelia/Dean)
terryrose' Icons - :D
Hasitall's GIFs 1x08 - Dean Smiling, Impala
jojothecr's Picspam 5x08 - CSI Sexy
kj_svala's Picspam 4x16 - On the Head of a Pin
My Coven's Interview with Jim Beaver
Spoiler TV's Supernatural Renewal Likely or DOA?
E Online's CW Boss Says She'd Be "Shocked" If Supernatural Didn't Return for Season Seven

Doctor Who:
tennant_love's embed David Tennant's VOice-Over For Polar Bear Research

Human Target:
wptjeh's Discussion Potential Cancelation of HT?, Imbroglio & Cool Hand Guerrero

Sherlock:
madrona_8's Metamorphosis read by Benedict Cumberbatch - \o/

Other Fandom:
lienne's Discussion On Daemons and the Gender Binary
zqfans' embed Four clips from Margin Call - OMG SO MANY ACTORS TO SQUEE OVER
Blastr's Jewel Statite: Why Watching Serenity Makes Me Cry Like a Baby
Sudipal's Firefly and Castle Crossover Fic Tell Them I Ain't Comin' Back
Poptimal's Interview: The Arch Enemy and the Girl Friday – Chatting with “The Cape” stars James Frain and Summer Glau

Random:
chaosvizier's Reviews Tron: Legacy and Snatch
iconomicon's Icons
theweaselking's Gravity Kills covers Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus"
Neil Gaiman's I Will Be Animated (Yellow) - On doing the voice work for The Simpsons and meeting Amber Benson. Insert fannish crossover squee here.
Tor's Mr Salad Monday
La Petite Claudine's Common Place Book - "This book consists of ideas, images, & quotations hastily jotted down for possible future use in weird fiction. [...] — H. P. Lovecraft"
CBC's Woman's Candy Egg Seized At Border - A $300 dollar fine for a Kinder Egg.
NWF Daily News' Navarre woman: Priest denied Communion, had her pulled over - "We issued the trespass warning on behalf of the church," Haines said. "They were banned from being on the property." What the fuck.
Head Trip Comics' Cramps and the Doctor's screwdriver. - I wish.
YouTube's Dad Life (Father's Day Opening 2010) ; Telephone ft. HBH - Awesome! ; Key of Awesome's Tik Tok Kesha Parody, Glitter Puke
Etsy
1001 Free Fonts
Vocaroo - Voice recording website


* capn_mactastic, here

Comments

[seschat.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tightly* Sorry you're feeling so down, love. :( But for what it's worth, you know I'm always there to listen, yeah? Always. ♥ And just remember that you're awesome for taking that German course, most people I know don't even consider that learning a second language is important, so it's admirable you don't stop working and that you have fun doing this. I can't remember who said it, but one always has to be kind to oneself when learning new – or in your case, refreshing – languages. And, again, if you need any help with anything, just say the word! ♥

Also, I can wholeheartedly relate to the sentiment of

I just want her to ask me how I am and how I'm feeling and show that she cares and I'm not getting any of that, just a show of ways I fail, and that's not helping, so I fail even more because I can't do anything anyway.

since that's all I've been hearing lately as well, blah blah blah PICK A FUCKING UNI ALREADY AND TELL US YOU WANT TO STUDY (but we'll only accept it if it's something we approve of, hah hah hah) WE NEED TO KNOW GODDAMMIT WHY DO YOU KEEP ON WASTING YOUR TIME LIKE THAT YOU ARE BEING UTTERLY USELESS. Yeah, sorry, I don't know, okay. Argh.

:(

*huggles up to you and holds your hand*

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

*hugs back just as tightly* Thanks, squishy. ♥ Sometimes I just look at life through shit-coloured glasses, I guess. The German class today went alright, although I failed to realize that the short-cut language was Italian, so when something is particularly hard to explain, or when students are talking amongst themselves, I'm still struggling with a second language. Oy.

Yeah, languages are like Weeping Angels: "Don't look away! Don't even blink!" because if you do, you'll forget everything you ever learnt.

I'm so sorry that you're also having a tough time with the Please Plan Out Your Future In Detail (With Diagrams) question. Have you narrowed it down a bit? Checked out the obscure professions and subjects that advisors never tell you exist? And then you're talking well into your third year of uni and talking to another student over bad wine and they tell you they're studying something like Unicorn Hunting in Western Europe and you think, "Damnit! If only I had known! That's my true calling!"

In sum, give me your hand and I'm cradle it and keep it safe (along with the rest of you - I like you in one piece, after all!) *smishes and huggles*

[seschat.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I think I would expire from shock if I did a, I don't know, Latin course, and people started explaining shit in Spanish. *hides* So, you know, what I mean to say is: chapeau, darling; you're awesome for doing this! ♥

(*snorfles at the Weeping Angels comparison* *smishes you lovingly*)

Ahaha, my parents keep on asking me day after day, and I'm, like, "Dude, I'm looking into it, okay? Back off." But it seems like no matter how much time I spend searching the internets, the Answer is no where in sight. GHFghj. I even read up on law, for god's sake, which is really the only option from the Parentally Approved list I am not horrendously appalled at. And fact is, Germany doesn't even need any more lawyers, just like Germany doesn't need any humanists, blah blah, no one needs fucking Anglicists or linguists or whatnot. Apparently, Germany needs bankers and economists, and doctors and nurses and teachers, and that's pretty much the gist of it. I can't do any of those things, though. I'm just a normal girl, okay, who likes TV shows and music and books, who's perhaps a bit better versed in languages than most of the classmates, but that's it, that's all there is for now, as disappointing or little or whatever as it might be. And, really, I get that you can choose one thing and think it's perfect for you and then have it not work at all, and analogically, hate one thing and then grow to like it, like my mother always patiently explains, but – how am I supposed to be able to choose anything on these terms, then? Christ, I have difficulties picking out what to wear for the day. *drops down dead* But, anyway. I'm suspecting I'm being really stupid about this, so please forgive my rambling and exploding all over your journal. It's just what's been on my mind a lot lately, I guess, aand I'm certainly not the only one and all, but I feel like, like, this is it. I HAVE TO BE AN ADULT NOW AND CHOOSE WISELY AYE!! Feel free to ignore this, darling. UGH ;_;

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

And fact is, Germany doesn't even need any more lawyers - There's always international law, which is always going to be in need. But keep in mind that it's not what Germany needs but what Germany will need that will dictate your chances of employment (amongst other things). I mean, there's always that mad rush after the call goes out that "jobs in Subject are on the rise!" to enroll in classes for Subject but then four years down the road upon graduation, hordes and hordes of other students are graduating with you having studied the same thing and there's neither enough jobs for everyone nor the crazy need for them anymore. It's best to choose something that you'd enjoy (or at least not hate) rather than "what's hot right now" because things change fast and subjects that may not be in the spotlight might still be in demand.

I always feel crappy giving you advise on stuff like this because I've made such a mess of it, but then I can just point at myself and say, "Don't do this! See where it gets you?

And, really, I get that you can choose one thing and think it's perfect for you and then have it not work at all, and analogically, hate one thing and then grow to like it - Omg. It's true but it sounds awful. Because then HOW DO YOU DECIDE?!?! *wails* Still, I think it's good to not start off vehemently hating your job. Just sayin'. Like if I decided to go into teaching. Sure, I might grow to like it, but I think I'd've chewed my way through a desk before that ever happened.

I'm suspecting I'm being really stupid about this, so please forgive my rambling and exploding all over your journal. - No, you're not, and explode away. ♥ I'll mop up the explodey bits and try to put them back together.

PS: "Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't." The Sunscreen Song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ)'s trufax. Also, Adults never choose wisely. Have you learnt nothing from TV? :P

PPS: *SNUGGLES*