Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!*

[bending_sickle]

Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency. Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency.*


So I went to the doctor's yesterday and totally didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition one part of the physical examination.

I was really nervous about going, because I was going to talk about ladybits, omg. That and I get nervous for things easily, especially when I don't quite know where they are and thus spend 45 minutes cycling around and around and checking out the map and failing to find road names on the actual road and then finding the massive building my appointment is supposed to be behind of but failing to find said building. Anyway, I got there in time, so naturally my appointment actually started 15 minutes late. Argh.

The nice thing, though, was that I chatted a bit with an Italian exchange student who'd just moved to the city and had an appointment after mine. I'm apparently really good at casual conversation with strangers if these are not people I'm supposed to be talking to, to like make friends and stuff.

Anyway. The doctor thingy. I didn't know which doctor I'd gotten until I got asked at the reception with whom it was, and I still couldn't tell you his name. (Damn Dutch names.) However, I seem to recall - and you'll understand why I say "seem" and my memory's all whacked out - that he reminded me a lot of Medium's husband-guy.

So he asks why I've made the appointment, and I start off with the easy bit, the "I'm going to Africa and may need vaccines" bit. Then I wobble a bit and say, "I think I need to see a gynocologist." I immediately babble that I've never been to one, and so might have no idea whether I need to or not, but I think I do. So he starts asking about the symptoms, and I give a few very broad and prudish ones ("Well, there's a burning sensation and recent swelling.") but naturally he asks for more details ("Swelling where?") and I find myself talking about labia and clitoral hoods with a complete (male) stranger. Outwardly I'm the very picture of a responsible grownup (meaning I feel I answered awesomely, medically and all), but inwardly I don't know whether to cringe or giggle hysterically. It was just such a surreal conversation. (I'm quite proud of my correction to his assumption, when he asked if intercourse hurt. "I'm not sexually active." I didn't mention that I've been too freaked out to see whether getting jiggy with it by myself hurt.)

But then, oh my dears, then the Spanish Inquisition broke down the door. He needs to see the symptoms before he can make any diagnosis. My inner :O face, it was epic. At most, I'd thought I'd leave with an appointment for a gyno. I was completely unprepared for this sudden turn of events. Now, let me state for clarity and OMG-ness that I've a) never been to a gyno and b) am a vigin. The last time anyone saw betwixt my legs, I was way young, and it was my mom. So I turned into a very quiet, very shy girl, silently going, "Omg, really? Seriously? Really?" Because, hello, I was going to take my pants off and spread 'em in front of an unknown male. (Which I think might actually be easier than a mildly-known male. At least with the doctor I won't have to have coffee with him later, thinking, "You've looked at my labia.")

So pants were dropped and I sat on the bench and told him I'd never done anything of the sort. He was really nice about it, mainly because of the good professional conduct he had going. It was just a thing, part of a procedure, like looking at your throat or drawing a blood sample. Easy-peasy, no sweat, forget I'm a person and let me just become an entity, a Doctor. So I lay down, got my legs up on the bench, and pressed my hands to my stomach and stared at the ceiling. It got a bit easier when he asked just what I'd been describing and I got to point and feel more like a scientist comparing a bizarre sample than a girl having her vagina checked out for the first time. I even got the speculum so's he could get a mucal sample or something. (I was checking out the ceiling, remember?) It wasn't too uncomfortable, just weird because I couldn't imagine what was going on, how the thing worked. The last test involved fingers going where no one else's fingers have gone before.

I've been spending all day yesterday and today trying to not think about it. I just feel really weird about it. I mean, it was a very well done examination, tactfully done, and professionally, and all that. But I don't want to think about it (remember, I'm a visual thinker, so I really don't want to remember just what it felt like to lie back on that bench) but find myself blindsided by images regardless. Most of the time I try to forget it even happened - which is easy, because it's such a massive break away from my daily routine and experiences that it's hard to say, "Yep, that happened. And yes, it happened to me. Yup, I was there."

But the good news is that he thought everything looked find and the sample came back normal. This doesn't explain why as of last week my clitoris is lost in a mass of poofy flesh, but hey, at least it won't kill me. He suggested a soap thingy I'm supposed to buy at the pharmacy, and all's well.

As for my vaccines against exciting tropical diseases and obtaining maleria prophylaxes, I've been redirected to another office.


TMI out, random shit in:

I've got The Sarah Connor Chronicles 2x02 for tomorrow. (About 2x01? Summer Glau's "Please no squishy!" speech was fucking awesomely delivered. Also, I mourn the bangs.) I've started watching American Psycho and Watership Down on YouTube. I don't know which will prove the more disturbing or emotionally wrecking.

There's a blister on the roof of my mouth. Not from eating with the fork I'd just used to stir potatoes in boiling water (that resulted in a burnt lip), but from the actual potato. Damn you, tubers!

I've been falling asleep between 1 and 2 am thanks to accursed readings. Writing this post has been the only break I've had all day, having spent my lunch hour having a meeting with my supervisor, and going to the gym after class. Thank gods I read tomorrow's article this past weekend, or I'd be reading it now. And now, my dears, I want sleep.


Links of the Day:
Boston.com: The short - but eventful - life of Ike - Stunning photographs
Blog.wired.com: Our 10 Favorite Actors from Geeky Movies & TV
io9.com: The 10 Worst SF Deaths, Is that Really the New Batman and Robin? - leaked scans of art for NGaiman's Batman comic
Sidewalk Stencil "Choose your own adventure", a love story
laurelin_kit shares a photo of an epic car of epic win
qthewetsprocket shares Rick Wright's music and Don't Blink!, the kitty version
ohnotheydidnt's 26 Most disturbing Kid's Movies Ever
bluesgirly's metaquotesed Plan, One-uping McCain
flemco's Modern Survival: Chapter 3, Water
lacloq_icons - cazrolime's icons
batman_luls's The best homework ever, Community Merchandise at cafepress.com (by vampiryyn),
Joker paper doll (by goblinbrodie), Dubbed video: Joker likes your hair! (by starxnaruto), Hilarious character theme songs fanvids
the_tenzo's Doctor Who Picspam: Love/hate the doctor.
madwabbit's TDK Fanfic: The Company of Wolves (Batman/Joker)
find_rightbrain's Doctor Who Fanfic: Things Left Behind on Purpose (Jack)
kattahj's Doctor Who Fanvid: When All is Said and Done: a companion farewell
antichka's Lost Fanfic: Five Times Shannon Rutherford Fired a Gun (Except, Okay, Kind of Not Really, Whatever, But She Thought About It, so Shut Up, Okay? Whatever.)


* Monty Python

Comments

[phantmgreeneyes.livejournal.com]

I loved her speech! Partly because I really want her and John to hook up. Partly because she showed real emotion, which I like, and which I think her capable of.

Also, let me know when you finish with 2x02. Because I want to complain about the arrival of a new character.

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

Through most of her speech, I was bracing myself, thinking, "It could be a trick, don't fall for it," but then somewhere between her repeating how she checked and to please not send her back I lost it. I may've gotten misty eyed at the love declaration. (Aw man, the John/Cameron communities must've exploded over this!)

I'll try and watch 2x02 tomorrow :) I'm sure I deserve at least 1 hour's break in a day.

[lienne.livejournal.com]

"Damn you, tubers!" got a cackle out of me. And I was leaning forward in my seat wincing sympathetically through the whole TMI story. ♥ *ruffles your hair* Those kinds of doctors' visits are weird as hell. <33

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

*leans into hear-ruffling* ♥

[lienne.livejournal.com]

*ruffle ruffle*

*snuggle*

*ruffle*

<3.

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

Hair. Frig it.

Also, having a blister on the roof of your mouth is really distracting :( Stupid tubers indeed.

[lienne.livejournal.com]

I should add "Damn you, tubers!" to my list of things I will one day quote-icon.

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

:D *snickers* *continues ruffle!cuddle*

[lienne.livejournal.com]

<333.

[blizzardcake.livejournal.com]

Blizzardcake iz back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me just say: *HUGGS x 1000000000000" XD

I have been suffering from LJ and internet in general withdrawal something fierce! And it's not the same checking things online at the school library, so I actually teared up when the guy set up my modem <3

Re: the doctor's appointment... [TMI here as well] I totally had a similar event last year (maybe over a year ago). Being a virgin and having to deal with the whole pap test or anything that requires a speculum + stranger yielding said device is not fun :o And with my luck I had an international medical student who totaly did not acknowledge that it might not be all that easy to get a LARGE sized one to fit in there (I'm pretty sure they have at least three different sizes). I came out of there cringeing.

Ahh the quest for health sucketh at times....

*continues dancing at the fact that the 'Cake has internet*

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

*joins in the celebratory dance* Miss you ♥