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bending_sickleI think I might've actually forgotten how to write a livejournal post. Not that much of anything has been happening.
I've spent the month of October waiting for the professor person to reply to my email (and my "um hi my email?" email) about how I'd decided on which project from the list of suggestions I'd like to work on and basically "What do I do now? Do I write up a proposal? HOW DO I DO THAT? Pls halp." and he wrote back yesterday with a bare-bones check-list (Introduction! Objectives! Methods! Why Thing is important!) aaaaand I broke down. I'm still a bit broken down. Because I have no idea how to do this and don't think I can and think I'd rather curl up and die, etc.
So obviously I'm not getting much work done about that. Yesterday after sobbing I managed to read an article and slap information down in a document for the "look at this species isn't it cute" introduction but I'm terrified of the Objectives and especially the Methods part. Especially since I have no idea about any of this. I've only read like ten articles on this species how in the name of all the gods am I supposed to be able to plan out field research. I just. But whatever, right? I'm just going to keep on trucking and try to gag the part of of me that is wailing in a corner, singing the song of Despair and Failure (with a lovely little impromptu of We're Going to Die in a Ditch).
I'm also failing at being a general human in the sense that I have stuff I need to put away and haven't, have things to read that I've been reading for months and haven't finished yet because I suck, and to say nothing of the online courses I haven't officially given up on but haven't done a single lecture of since June. Obviously NaNoWriMo isn't going to happen because Research Proposal (also Crying).
I have done nothing today and it's halfway over. I haven't been out of the house since Friday, and that was only for a food run (after flopping to the floor and lying there for a few hours and having to convince myself that maybe I should move. A little more than that. Maybe achieve vertical?).
Yeah so I'm supposed to be doing things but the thought of doing those things makes me spiral into a What Is the Point I Can't Do Thing happy fun time so I'm avoiding doing the thing, which isn't actually a good thing.
Whatever. If I manage to get out of the house for a walk today that'll be the best I can hope for. I want to email the prof all "I'm doing the thing!" but the thought is catching on the tail-end of the spiral and yeah not so much with the happening.
God the fuck knows what I did in September except turn thirty, which was the opposite of fantastic.
* Stars, "Your Ex-Lover is Dead"
I've spent the month of October waiting for the professor person to reply to my email (and my "um hi my email?" email) about how I'd decided on which project from the list of suggestions I'd like to work on and basically "What do I do now? Do I write up a proposal? HOW DO I DO THAT? Pls halp." and he wrote back yesterday with a bare-bones check-list (Introduction! Objectives! Methods! Why Thing is important!) aaaaand I broke down. I'm still a bit broken down. Because I have no idea how to do this and don't think I can and think I'd rather curl up and die, etc.
So obviously I'm not getting much work done about that. Yesterday after sobbing I managed to read an article and slap information down in a document for the "look at this species isn't it cute" introduction but I'm terrified of the Objectives and especially the Methods part. Especially since I have no idea about any of this. I've only read like ten articles on this species how in the name of all the gods am I supposed to be able to plan out field research. I just. But whatever, right? I'm just going to keep on trucking and try to gag the part of of me that is wailing in a corner, singing the song of Despair and Failure (with a lovely little impromptu of We're Going to Die in a Ditch).
I'm also failing at being a general human in the sense that I have stuff I need to put away and haven't, have things to read that I've been reading for months and haven't finished yet because I suck, and to say nothing of the online courses I haven't officially given up on but haven't done a single lecture of since June. Obviously NaNoWriMo isn't going to happen because Research Proposal (also Crying).
I have done nothing today and it's halfway over. I haven't been out of the house since Friday, and that was only for a food run (after flopping to the floor and lying there for a few hours and having to convince myself that maybe I should move. A little more than that. Maybe achieve vertical?).
Yeah so I'm supposed to be doing things but the thought of doing those things makes me spiral into a What Is the Point I Can't Do Thing happy fun time so I'm avoiding doing the thing, which isn't actually a good thing.
Whatever. If I manage to get out of the house for a walk today that'll be the best I can hope for. I want to email the prof all "I'm doing the thing!" but the thought is catching on the tail-end of the spiral and yeah not so much with the happening.
God the fuck knows what I did in September except turn thirty, which was the opposite of fantastic.
* Stars, "Your Ex-Lover is Dead"
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no subject
Date: 2013-10-29 03:39 pm (UTC)Research Proposal totally trumps NaNo and other fun-filled activities. Don't worry, here's a secret: November will show up again in about 12 months, and then you can NaNo once more. And if you can write something like what you wrote before, you can put together a wee research proposal without a problem.
I know you can do it. Go forth! DO ALL THE THINGS! WITH SCIENCE! And in exchange I'll write NaNo badness just for you. Or maybe I'll tickle a kitten. Or... well, something.
Hugs from across the pond, wot wot! (yes, I know, you're not British; I just like saying "wot wot")
no subject
Date: 2013-10-29 06:10 pm (UTC)Ah, no, see, with NaNo, I could make stuff up and no one was going to fact check me if those things could actually happen. With the research proposal, I'm going to have to say, "And then I do this thing, with these things right here, and get all this shiny data" and actually be expected to do said things, and I don't know how. I need to read a hell of a lot more articles, I guess. (I wish the prof person would be a bit more hands on, though. The project was, after all, his idea, and he's the expert, so like, advise me, dude.) I'm trying to picture myself in some forest with bats flying around and I'm just like, "...but how do thing?"
I look forward to Part Two of your Epic Fantasy Novel of Mystery and Death and Fire and Song :) If you need any help, encouragement, or obscure information, I'm at your disposal.
Hugs back from the other side of the pond, pip pip.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-29 07:52 pm (UTC)Now, I agree that NaNo is all about making stuff up with zero fact-checking, but it is still cohesive writing and structure. It does have to work well as a whole. Your research proposal needs more sciency material and facts and non-fiction, but ultimately it too has to work well as a whole, and probably in far fewer words. So yes, I believe you can do thing success lions science pudding gin.
And thanks for still reading my crazy NaNo and being encouraging and helpful and supporting; hopefully it will conclude successfully and reasonably. Maybe. You are, as they say in modern vernacular, the bomb-diggity.
Cheerio!
no subject
Date: 2013-10-29 10:40 pm (UTC)You could do MyProWriMo? Do a bit a day, research or writing, and then come here and we'll cheer you on. BECAUSE YOU CAN DO THIS!
Happy birthday? I can't remember if I wished you happy birthday... I'm sorry, I don't know where my head is; for a moment there I was like "hoshit it's September already?!"
Sentient mop hurdles?
no subject
Date: 2013-10-29 11:58 pm (UTC)Aaah, sentient mops!
no subject
Date: 2013-10-30 12:24 am (UTC)Alas, I am out of pulis. I will have to raise you an underwater Boston terrier.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-30 08:24 pm (UTC)