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bending_sickleI think I might've actually forgotten how to write a livejournal post. Not that much of anything has been happening.
I've spent the month of October waiting for the professor person to reply to my email (and my "um hi my email?" email) about how I'd decided on which project from the list of suggestions I'd like to work on and basically "What do I do now? Do I write up a proposal? HOW DO I DO THAT? Pls halp." and he wrote back yesterday with a bare-bones check-list (Introduction! Objectives! Methods! Why Thing is important!) aaaaand I broke down. I'm still a bit broken down. Because I have no idea how to do this and don't think I can and think I'd rather curl up and die, etc.
So obviously I'm not getting much work done about that. Yesterday after sobbing I managed to read an article and slap information down in a document for the "look at this species isn't it cute" introduction but I'm terrified of the Objectives and especially the Methods part. Especially since I have no idea about any of this. I've only read like ten articles on this species how in the name of all the gods am I supposed to be able to plan out field research. I just. But whatever, right? I'm just going to keep on trucking and try to gag the part of of me that is wailing in a corner, singing the song of Despair and Failure (with a lovely little impromptu of We're Going to Die in a Ditch).
I'm also failing at being a general human in the sense that I have stuff I need to put away and haven't, have things to read that I've been reading for months and haven't finished yet because I suck, and to say nothing of the online courses I haven't officially given up on but haven't done a single lecture of since June. Obviously NaNoWriMo isn't going to happen because Research Proposal (also Crying).
I have done nothing today and it's halfway over. I haven't been out of the house since Friday, and that was only for a food run (after flopping to the floor and lying there for a few hours and having to convince myself that maybe I should move. A little more than that. Maybe achieve vertical?).
Yeah so I'm supposed to be doing things but the thought of doing those things makes me spiral into a What Is the Point I Can't Do Thing happy fun time so I'm avoiding doing the thing, which isn't actually a good thing.
Whatever. If I manage to get out of the house for a walk today that'll be the best I can hope for. I want to email the prof all "I'm doing the thing!" but the thought is catching on the tail-end of the spiral and yeah not so much with the happening.
God the fuck knows what I did in September except turn thirty, which was the opposite of fantastic.
* Stars, "Your Ex-Lover is Dead"
I've spent the month of October waiting for the professor person to reply to my email (and my "um hi my email?" email) about how I'd decided on which project from the list of suggestions I'd like to work on and basically "What do I do now? Do I write up a proposal? HOW DO I DO THAT? Pls halp." and he wrote back yesterday with a bare-bones check-list (Introduction! Objectives! Methods! Why Thing is important!) aaaaand I broke down. I'm still a bit broken down. Because I have no idea how to do this and don't think I can and think I'd rather curl up and die, etc.
So obviously I'm not getting much work done about that. Yesterday after sobbing I managed to read an article and slap information down in a document for the "look at this species isn't it cute" introduction but I'm terrified of the Objectives and especially the Methods part. Especially since I have no idea about any of this. I've only read like ten articles on this species how in the name of all the gods am I supposed to be able to plan out field research. I just. But whatever, right? I'm just going to keep on trucking and try to gag the part of of me that is wailing in a corner, singing the song of Despair and Failure (with a lovely little impromptu of We're Going to Die in a Ditch).
I'm also failing at being a general human in the sense that I have stuff I need to put away and haven't, have things to read that I've been reading for months and haven't finished yet because I suck, and to say nothing of the online courses I haven't officially given up on but haven't done a single lecture of since June. Obviously NaNoWriMo isn't going to happen because Research Proposal (also Crying).
I have done nothing today and it's halfway over. I haven't been out of the house since Friday, and that was only for a food run (after flopping to the floor and lying there for a few hours and having to convince myself that maybe I should move. A little more than that. Maybe achieve vertical?).
Yeah so I'm supposed to be doing things but the thought of doing those things makes me spiral into a What Is the Point I Can't Do Thing happy fun time so I'm avoiding doing the thing, which isn't actually a good thing.
Whatever. If I manage to get out of the house for a walk today that'll be the best I can hope for. I want to email the prof all "I'm doing the thing!" but the thought is catching on the tail-end of the spiral and yeah not so much with the happening.
God the fuck knows what I did in September except turn thirty, which was the opposite of fantastic.
* Stars, "Your Ex-Lover is Dead"
