Include a little blurb about being a busboy*

[bending_sickle]

Oh hai! I'm back on my usual side of the pond, still jet-lagged to all hell, still behind on Links of the Day like no man's business, and missing the whole Chicago experience liek woah. However, on Tuesday Katarina lands - *crosses fingers, because have you seen the snow-covered airports lately* - so there is much squee on the horizon.

Over in Chicago, I finally got my greedy little hands on my - yes, my - novel in all it's book-shaped glory. (There will be photos.) Now I'm almost done with setting everything up for getting Time We Saw a Miracle into book-shaped glory. There's basically just the blurb missing.

Said has now gone through thirteen versions - more information! shorter! longer! - and I'm going a bit cross-eyed. I'm pretty happy with the final result, if only I could decide on that one tiny little word or two. This is where I shine great big puppy-eyes at y'all in the hopes for a little help.

Here is the blurb:

In an armed camp, Chip and his companions find shelter from the infected and cope with life after the apocalypse. As Icarus struggles with the loss of his angelic grace, Chip discovers there is always something more to fear.

Because surviving in a post-apocalyptic world is hard when an Angel of Punishment is tracking them down.

The words in question are "is hard when an AofP is tracking".

So my question is, should it read instead "is hard with an AofP tracking", does that "because" make anyone's eyes hurt, and, in more general terms, on a scale of 1 to suck, how is the blurb?


* Andy Milonakis

Comments

[seschat.livejournal.com]

*GLOMPS* It's so good to have you back! And I do imagine Chicago being an awesome experience. Also, yay for TFSB AND NOW I WANT A COPY, TOO. :D

As for the blurb, the first paragraph is fine, but the 'because' indeed sounds a bit - awkward? - to me, but what do I know. ;p

Perhaps, "After all, surviving...with an Angel of Punishment tracking them down"? Generally, I'd say the combination with 'with' sounds better, but if you leave the sentence as it is right now, 'when' and 'is' feels like the better choice.

Just my own two cents. :)

*loves you ad infinitum* ♥

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

*covers you in hugs* Chicago was fantasmagorical (yes, that's totally a word, shuddup) and I swear (as I keep on swearing) that I'll post about it and share photos and whatnot. Not that I ever did that for the trip I did round Europe, but... Yeah, this time, I mean it.

My copy! You cannot has! :P I think I'm taking chaosvizier's advice on the last line, so it's a great big strikeout.

*loves you ad nauseum infinitum too*

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

Psst! Lonely comment is lonely. (http://bending-sickle.livejournal.com/434908.html?thread=1026268#t1026268) As is this one (http://bending-sickle.livejournal.com/434908.html?thread=1029084#t1029084).

*puppy eyes*

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

The blurb makes sense to me, although the first paragraph really conveys the whole mystery of the threat well enough. "...there is something more to fear" makes the reader wonder, "OH CRAP WHAT IS WORSE THAN THE APOCALYPSE?"

Also, as a minor point, in your official cover art, you use the word "an" twice: "is hard when an AN Angel of Punishment..."

So, in summary, the blurb is good, but I'd take out that sentence completely and feel even better. Also, I'd give you a cookie. Just because.

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

Gnaaaah, why do you have to inject more incertitude? But I have a feeling you're right about taking out the Angel of Punishment bit (even though I'm a bit in love with it) because it takes the reader a while to get to the "oh noes, there's something else! And there's Something Else!" and even longer to get to the actual "Angel of Punishment" label...

Curses! I'm taking your advice and going to stare at it for a while longer until I no longer pine for the last line (which damnit, does give away half the mystery and is therefore Not Good). Also, I'll be taking that cookie. *om noms*

And in return for said cookie, I have here a postcard with your name on it but no address because you had to go and move somewhere. Could you PM me your new address so I can continue the grand tradition of postcard sending?

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Private Message away! Cookies... eventually! NOM NOM NOM

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

Card in the mail tomorrow! Via Vatican State!

Also, help a chronically indecisive lass out, yeah? New blurb (http://bending-sickle.livejournal.com/435571.html): kill it with fire or let it live?

[(Anonymous)]

It is absolutely for sure "when" and "is". Cut and print!

Love
Kit-Kat

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

\o/ Sometimes English just looks funny if you stare at it too long.

♥