Oh God! I can't know that!

[bending_sickle]

so, le update about le therapy

yeah so no more therapy.

i mean i’d already decided to stop at the beginning of june because 1) not helping all that much and b) running out of money (money i might need later, when i actually manage to Do Thing)  but got suckered into finishing up the month because therapy lady wanted ~therapeutic closure~ (for herself, mainly)

and i wouldn’t’ve been able to have therapy during july-august anyway because she takes a summer break (which a+ therapy practice). closing up shop in august is pretty normal here though - it’s called ferragosto - and woe betide any tourist who comes frolicking here in august. seriously. romans don’t give a shit they will shut down everything and leave.

so i was going to call it quits end of june. so far, so peachy.

then there was the whole yeah hi please can i reschedule our appointment my mom’s in the hospital having some bits of her heart cauterized which turned into the therapist replies to text and email one week later and gets my name wrong which turned into the sickle sends a kthnxbai no more sessions email and text to therapist who eventually replies and is all i like to do concluding sessions and also i can has personal life and feels and then proceeds to tell me then.

which wow okay i’m sorry (i am, jesus i’m not a monster) but also i don’t care (i do) because unprofessional (i should not know thiiiiiiiiis) and are you trying to make me feel bad for being upset at your lack of professionalism (you have succeeded) and also unprofessional (no cookie).

also capn_mactastic - who is an absolute darling - sent me self-help links and this be cognitive therapy links which is supposedly what i was doing with therapy lady but oh wow no we did not do any of those nice helpful things why didn’t we do those things.

and in other news, or related news, i’ve been anxious, and then mind-numbingly meh, and then oh let’s cry about everything, and now it’s very much i don’t care about anythiiiiiiiing these past two weeks.  the parents have been fighting about it, even. ("you can’t see what’s happening!" “no, you can’t see what’s happening!")

obviously operation escape the nest has been on hold all of june, and operation online courses has likewise curled up and died.

operation be a functional human being is still limping.

i’m actually seriously considering going to this friends in rome mixer thing, which omg voluntary socialization for an extended period with absolute strangers imma die. but hey, i might do it.

oh, and dad pulled the whole “we need to talk" (in full angry shouty mcshoutyness mode) at me, which not cool. the fact that this was addendumed (shut up it’s totally a word) by “we talk tomorrow" which great now i get to be anxious about it all evening and night and morning and forever great thanks that’s awesome is even less cool.

* Captain Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds, Serenity

Comments

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

"I could stand to know a little more..."

And no you're not a monster. I mean, I guess to a cockroach you might seem like an enormous bipedal fleshy creature from beyond, and even a lizard might consider you slightly unnatural. But you are not a monster. Relax, breathe deeply, and carry on. You will therapeutize soon enough. With all the feels.

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

You have been deceived! Rawr! *monster noises*

(http://www.creaturesinmyhead.com/artwork/creatures/2010/you-know-me-too-well/)

...okay no, not a monster. *slithers towards you for a snuggle*

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

...hm. I guess I imagined you having longer arms, but ok, I guess we can snuggle. But no biting!

...unless you ask nicely, in which case, maybe. ;-)

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

...*gentle nibbles*

[capn-mactastic.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

You're not a monster, bb, you've just had an unprofessional douchebag of a therapist abuse her authority to make you feel like shit because apparently she's as horrible as she is a lousy therapist. It doesn't matter how much personal crap she has going on, she crossed the line when she put it on your shoulders and it's emotionally manipulative and inex-fucking-scusable. It's not as if it just slipped out, either, it was in text, she could have edited that shit out before hitting send.

*more hugs*

You should go to the friends in rome thing, hon, I have faith you can make it. ♥ But no pressure. I have a self-serve buffet of faith in you, come and get what you want instead of me dumping a big serving in front of you and potentially making you feel obligated to eat it.

*snuggle*

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

*cuddles, snuggles, huggles, and even puggles* *hovers wide-eyed over your buffet of faith* You are too wonderful <3

And I just facepalmed because my mom's cousin is coming in to town tomorrow so I don't know if I'll be free on Friday or if I'll be part of the family&tourism escort, but if I am free, I am totally hauling my reluctant ass over to the Friends in Rome thing. Because this should be a thing I should do.

Also seeing you flail about the therapist's actions makes me feel better about flailing myself. Like, it's not just me being over-reactive or whatever, it actually is something I can be upset about.

[capn-mactastic.livejournal.com]

*snuggles you* *and puggles* Aw, shucks. ♥ *huggles*

Either way, you're out and about and hopefully distracted from all of this. ♥

Honey, I will stress this as often as you need or want: you are so allowed to be upset about this. She took a position of authority and trust the moment she became your therapist; it's part of the job for her to gain knowledge of your emotional state, otherwise she can't help you maintain and repair it so that you can function at a level you find acceptable; as your therapist she knew that pulling that shit would make you second-guess yourself and your emotions, and feel like crap for expressing your unhappiness with her services; she knew it would make you doubt your feelings and whether or not she'd done anything wrong when she ignored your concerns. It would have been an unprofessional comment from a plumber or mechanic, but from a therapist it's a blatant abuse of her position, and it is not okay.

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥

*curls up beside you and purrs* Bless your tiny text and your bold text.

[capn-mactastic.livejournal.com]

*snuggles*