Shut the fuck up*

[bending_sickle]

so i’m waiting on slavic lady therapist person to reply, right? and my bro calls (a-fucking-gain) and is all why don’t you just call her and why didn’t you send your email to both the addresses you had and jesus at the rate you’re going to which i snapped because you do not get to fucking tell me how to do this, not a single fucking thing about this. i’m the one doing it and it’s for my mental whatsit and if i want to take a fucking week to email the lady and categorically refuse to call her on the phone until all other avenues have been exhausted then BACK THE FUCK OFF and let me work my shit my own way you are NOT FUCKING HELPING by telling me how much i’m sucking at doing this and your “it’s not that hard” is BULLSHIT.

see, my bro doesn’t so much support me as keep poking me in the back to get me to do shit. which, yeah, sometimes good, but sometimes not so good at all.

and now my mom (who doesn’t know about any of this, according to my bro) is on the phone with him crying about how horrible i am and how i’m not planning on doing anything ever (which the fuck do you know) and how i’m such a monster and a failure and oh woes is her and i just



because i have spent my entire life listening to her cry at me about how she regrets all her life decisions (hello i’m one of them and so’s my dad thanks mom) and her not giving a shit about any of my worries (crying never solves anything so shut the fuck up girl basically)

and i just don’t have the spare energy anymore (that emotional account has been fucking drained) or right now to give a shit about her and her oh woes is me my daughter is horrible because i am hanging on by my fucking fingernails here


* Common expression

Comments

[capn-mactastic.livejournal.com]

*hugs you mightily*

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Proceed at your own pace. Don't stagnate or backtrack, of course; moving forward is key. But even moving forward at a snail's pace is still progress. Believe me; I am slow as molasses when it comes to major changes or events. I know what that feels like, and what it feels like when someone is rushing you.

I hope all goes well, and you get what you need, and more good things happen. You are a decent person, no matter what others tell you. Wish I could help, but I'm just some random feeb on the Internet. Heh.

...ok, I got nothing. Maybe I should talk less and post more NaNo. ;-)

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

*hugs back just as mightily*

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

Don't stagnate or backtrack, of course; moving forward is key. - Yep, I'm trying to keep the momentum, and have little mental notes like "If there's no response by x day then proceed to plan b," but yeah, it's very much a crippled snail's pace.

Wish I could help, but I'm just some random feeb on the Internet. - Well, you're not just "some random feeb" because you're a darling, and besides, we're postcard buddies ;) Seriously, though, just you reading and commenting helps me feel less alone, so that's a major plus. Thanks for that.

Oh gods, I still have your last Nano update open in a tab (I'm halfway through!). I should get on that.

[chaosvizier.livejournal.com]

Good, good, progress is what you need. Keep the momentum, and use those reminders. And listen to the reminders, too. I know I have a habit of ignoring myself when I try to tell myself what to do.

Aww, thank you Postcard Buddy! You're so nice. I just want things to go well for you.

Cheers! Happy Hump Day!