Science: it works, bitches.*
Nov. 28th, 2007 08:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bending_sickleMy interminable day, and why this week's professor is a ruttin' slave-driver. My day started off, as always, an hour before the crack of dawn. This is never a good thing. I didn't have any bread, so couldn't have breakfast, also a not good thing. (*smacks forehead* I had cereal. Omg, I had cereal.)
Then, there was *morning automaton* *walkwalkwalk to station* *watch train leave without me* *fume as next train is late* *walkwalk-* *puff* *-walkwalk* *slip into class, late*
Follow this with five - FIVE - lectures in a row. Fiiiive.
After a glorious 20 minute break for a complete lack of lunch, the prof wants us to discuss tomorrow's excusion. (We're going to the port in Scheveningen off Den Haag to check out crabs.) And not just discuss, no. After checking out a crab-identifying key - in Dutch thankyouverymuch - we get to investigate the main descriptive characteristics and current distributions of a new invasive crab. In 20 minutes. And write stuff on it. Oh, sure, doable, but the brain power's getting a bit low.
Then he asks us to come up with research questions and detailed methodology for a particular sampling system (check out crabs on the beach, the rocks or the water), detailing exactly how we're going to do it. And I mean exactly. Like, how many metres between each transect, or how many minutes it'll take, what we'll measure.
Have I mentioned that we knew nothing of the area? Or, indeed, the crabs? So when my group - or me, who got kicked to the front of the class to present - were going on about how we'd trap crabs on the beach and he suddenly says, "Well, yeah, they'll all be dead, you know. No live crabs there," I fumed. (Inwardly.) And when he said, "Well, that's nice that you know what to do in this area, but what about the rest of the beach?", I was all, "But this is the area with the arrow! I thought this was it! How big is the bloody beach anyway?"
Other groups had similar problems. The rock people - i.e. Simon from Australia *swoon* - were happily describing their three-abreast plan for walking on the rocks, and he's all, "Um, that side has ocean - no crabs - and the middle of the rock path is concrete. Again, no crabs."
And just how he can ask detailed plans from us is beyond me.
***
So, rant over, let's talk about Suresh. Mohinder Suresh, slayer of mathematics, defeater of logic, inexhaustable fund of Unlikely Objects. (Well, I say Mohinder, but he's just the frontman for The Science-Failing Writers. They think they're being witty with the SF acronym in there.)
1. The Cairo Talk: So Mohinder's been touring some area of the world giving lectures in undisclosed locations about the Shanti Virus. I have two main points about this.
a) What the hell was that? It wasn't in a university, so it wasn't an acacdemic conference aimed at his peers. (Which would have made much more sense if he wanted to convince anyone. What're bored Egyptian citizens going to do about it, Mo? Seriously.)
b) Also, what the hell was that? That...that thing. That fake and awful ranty presentation/conclusion aberration. Mohinder, really, I've seen better presentations made by sleep deprived eighteen-year-olds in ten minutes behind their TA's backs. Bad lecture style, Mo. (And the least said about his God!cockroach lecture the better.)
What was up with that huge collage of Big Cellular Blobs and Arrows of Doom?
From your talk, I figure this is a talk geared to Everyman. Every' isn't likely to understand all those blobs in your alloted time, even if you rant and rave and explain it with comics and huge text - none of which you do.
Another example of a sucktastic visual aid: the damn map.
That's not presentation-worthy.
Lables like "Regeneration" and "World-wide Plague"? Not enough!
What you do do, Mo - *do do do, mo mo mo, it's all I've-* *stops self* - is put words like MHC Contribution (fast and slow) and Epithelial Cell Regeneration. First, this is worse than the SAT word-association tests. Second: MHC. WTF. I might let you draw a line from major histocompatibility complex to the Shanti virus' attack method. But "slow" and "fast" MHC? No such thing. What this could possbily have so much to do with cell regeneration that you'd put it on the same slide, I have no idea.
Show-off. See above for how not to lose your audience. I'm surprised Mo got to give as many talks as he did.
(Which brings me to a sidetrack. I was incredibly annoyed with Claire's Biology class. One day the teacher's going all, "Darmwin? Anyone? *sigh* Where's that whiskey?" and the next day it's all "Lizard limb regeneration!" First off, where'd the lectures on evolution go? It should be all, "And the mommy fly has a lot of white-eyed baby flies, and the daddy fly buzzes angrily because he's a homozygote, so there's some explainin' to be done." What's the lizard doing there? That's more of a cellular growth or genetics topic. Which brings me to the second off: lizard limb regeneration? At their age? Really?)
c) How did Mo get this thing organized? Since he's probably a pariah among geneticists (or close enough - just remember all the sniggering Chandra had to put up with), I doubt he's been invited to give these talks. (Also, hello! empty lecture hall.) So who's funding?
Which brings me to :
2. The Beurocracy: I have the suspicion that Mo is secretly filthy rich. Come on. The man was staying in the US, most probably on a tourist visa - which does nothing to expain how he got the taxi permit (*reminisces of NGaiman's hot taxi slash bit in American Gods*), payign rent and shuffling around between US and India. That's cash, right there. He wasn't a taxi driver for very long, and that's a job that hardly pays. "I drive then where they need to go, and sometimes they tip me. Sometimes they pay me." (NGaiman ibid, NY clip 2)
And what type of visa does he have? Well, now with the company he's probably gotten a work / resident permit, but before? What was going on?
3. This. Is not. Spinal tap!.
a) The why: Spinal taps are for getting cerebro spinal fluid and commonly used for "biochemical, microbiological, and cytological analysis". While I'll grant that biochemistry includes DNA, it's hardly from the pov of a geneticist. Also, remember that lovely cheek-swab? All the DNA you need! Especially since cerebrospinal fluid has no significant DNA sources! Honest! If you really feel the need to stab the serial killer (and woah, Freud's having a field day with that in my head), then get his blood. (I almost used the verb "suck" in there. Bad, dirty brain, no cookie.)
So now that we know there was no point, let's go into how badly it was done. This procedure is performed "by qualified and skilled medical practitioners". PhD he may be, but doctor he ain't. I think we could all tell that from the way he slammed the needle into Sy's neck:
Totally the wrong spot, too. Sy should've been shirtless, lying down, all...sexy. *drools*
4. It's Science! It doesn't need tools!
Leading in from Not-Spinal-Tap: what with? Mohinder, taxi-driver non-extraordinaire, got a hold of some serious drugs, an IV, saline solution, and the pokety-poke needle from hell:
Mo' looks way too happy about it in that picture.
Where from? Did he sneak into a hospital, or just ask nicely. "Hi, I've got a serial killer tied up to my kitchen chair.
(Note the bizzaredly out-of-place tomatoes.)
I'd like to puncture his spinal cord. Oh, thank you, that's be lovely. And maybe some muscle relaxants? Swell."
And the tuning fork!
Who the hell runs out on an unconscious serial killer - arms ladden with hospital goods, no doubt - and buys a tuning fork? Where does one buy these forks?
How much research, exactly, can Mo' do about genetics - such as running different people's samples against each other to work some sort of logarithm *snigger* - in this lab of wonders:
A laptop? That's the geneticist's tool? Does he just stick the cotton swaps into the port holes? Pour the spinal fluid onto the keyboard? Sneak into the hospital wing, after repaying the lonely night nurse for her favour with a bit of action?
I know there was more - so, so much more, not least of which was tonight's "the antibodies are strong enough to fight the infection" bullshit. Does this man not watch CSI? House? Because obviously he's completely forgotten his university education. No wonder his father was so disapointed.
...I was much more coherent 2/3 asleep last-last night, I think, than I am now. *sigh*
ETA:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
projectdownload pimping, because I keep forgetting about it and that is a horrible thing to do. So go, clicky, save someone's life.
projectdownload - 
- What is this?
* xkcd shirt
Then, there was *morning automaton* *walkwalkwalk to station* *watch train leave without me* *fume as next train is late* *walkwalk-* *puff* *-walkwalk* *slip into class, late*
Follow this with five - FIVE - lectures in a row. Fiiiive.
After a glorious 20 minute break for a complete lack of lunch, the prof wants us to discuss tomorrow's excusion. (We're going to the port in Scheveningen off Den Haag to check out crabs.) And not just discuss, no. After checking out a crab-identifying key - in Dutch thankyouverymuch - we get to investigate the main descriptive characteristics and current distributions of a new invasive crab. In 20 minutes. And write stuff on it. Oh, sure, doable, but the brain power's getting a bit low.
Then he asks us to come up with research questions and detailed methodology for a particular sampling system (check out crabs on the beach, the rocks or the water), detailing exactly how we're going to do it. And I mean exactly. Like, how many metres between each transect, or how many minutes it'll take, what we'll measure.
Have I mentioned that we knew nothing of the area? Or, indeed, the crabs? So when my group - or me, who got kicked to the front of the class to present - were going on about how we'd trap crabs on the beach and he suddenly says, "Well, yeah, they'll all be dead, you know. No live crabs there," I fumed. (Inwardly.) And when he said, "Well, that's nice that you know what to do in this area, but what about the rest of the beach?", I was all, "But this is the area with the arrow! I thought this was it! How big is the bloody beach anyway?"
Other groups had similar problems. The rock people - i.e. Simon from Australia *swoon* - were happily describing their three-abreast plan for walking on the rocks, and he's all, "Um, that side has ocean - no crabs - and the middle of the rock path is concrete. Again, no crabs."
And just how he can ask detailed plans from us is beyond me.
So, rant over, let's talk about Suresh. Mohinder Suresh, slayer of mathematics, defeater of logic, inexhaustable fund of Unlikely Objects. (Well, I say Mohinder, but he's just the frontman for The Science-Failing Writers. They think they're being witty with the SF acronym in there.)
1. The Cairo Talk: So Mohinder's been touring some area of the world giving lectures in undisclosed locations about the Shanti Virus. I have two main points about this.
a) What the hell was that? It wasn't in a university, so it wasn't an acacdemic conference aimed at his peers. (Which would have made much more sense if he wanted to convince anyone. What're bored Egyptian citizens going to do about it, Mo? Seriously.)
b) Also, what the hell was that? That...that thing. That fake and awful ranty presentation/conclusion aberration. Mohinder, really, I've seen better presentations made by sleep deprived eighteen-year-olds in ten minutes behind their TA's backs. Bad lecture style, Mo. (And the least said about his God!cockroach lecture the better.)
What was up with that huge collage of Big Cellular Blobs and Arrows of Doom?
From your talk, I figure this is a talk geared to Everyman. Every' isn't likely to understand all those blobs in your alloted time, even if you rant and rave and explain it with comics and huge text - none of which you do.
Another example of a sucktastic visual aid: the damn map.
That's not presentation-worthy.
Lables like "Regeneration" and "World-wide Plague"? Not enough!
What you do do, Mo - *do do do, mo mo mo, it's all I've-* *stops self* - is put words like MHC Contribution (fast and slow) and Epithelial Cell Regeneration. First, this is worse than the SAT word-association tests. Second: MHC. WTF. I might let you draw a line from major histocompatibility complex to the Shanti virus' attack method. But "slow" and "fast" MHC? No such thing. What this could possbily have so much to do with cell regeneration that you'd put it on the same slide, I have no idea.
Show-off. See above for how not to lose your audience. I'm surprised Mo got to give as many talks as he did.
(Which brings me to a sidetrack. I was incredibly annoyed with Claire's Biology class. One day the teacher's going all, "Darmwin? Anyone? *sigh* Where's that whiskey?" and the next day it's all "Lizard limb regeneration!" First off, where'd the lectures on evolution go? It should be all, "And the mommy fly has a lot of white-eyed baby flies, and the daddy fly buzzes angrily because he's a homozygote, so there's some explainin' to be done." What's the lizard doing there? That's more of a cellular growth or genetics topic. Which brings me to the second off: lizard limb regeneration? At their age? Really?)
c) How did Mo get this thing organized? Since he's probably a pariah among geneticists (or close enough - just remember all the sniggering Chandra had to put up with), I doubt he's been invited to give these talks. (Also, hello! empty lecture hall.) So who's funding?
Which brings me to :
2. The Beurocracy: I have the suspicion that Mo is secretly filthy rich. Come on. The man was staying in the US, most probably on a tourist visa - which does nothing to expain how he got the taxi permit (*reminisces of NGaiman's hot taxi slash bit in American Gods*), payign rent and shuffling around between US and India. That's cash, right there. He wasn't a taxi driver for very long, and that's a job that hardly pays. "I drive then where they need to go, and sometimes they tip me. Sometimes they pay me." (NGaiman ibid, NY clip 2)
And what type of visa does he have? Well, now with the company he's probably gotten a work / resident permit, but before? What was going on?
3. This. Is not. Spinal tap!.
a) The why: Spinal taps are for getting cerebro spinal fluid and commonly used for "biochemical, microbiological, and cytological analysis". While I'll grant that biochemistry includes DNA, it's hardly from the pov of a geneticist. Also, remember that lovely cheek-swab? All the DNA you need! Especially since cerebrospinal fluid has no significant DNA sources! Honest! If you really feel the need to stab the serial killer (and woah, Freud's having a field day with that in my head), then get his blood. (I almost used the verb "suck" in there. Bad, dirty brain, no cookie.)
So now that we know there was no point, let's go into how badly it was done. This procedure is performed "by qualified and skilled medical practitioners". PhD he may be, but doctor he ain't. I think we could all tell that from the way he slammed the needle into Sy's neck:
Totally the wrong spot, too. Sy should've been shirtless, lying down, all...sexy. *drools*
4. It's Science! It doesn't need tools!
Leading in from Not-Spinal-Tap: what with? Mohinder, taxi-driver non-extraordinaire, got a hold of some serious drugs, an IV, saline solution, and the pokety-poke needle from hell:
Mo' looks way too happy about it in that picture.
Where from? Did he sneak into a hospital, or just ask nicely. "Hi, I've got a serial killer tied up to my kitchen chair.
(Note the bizzaredly out-of-place tomatoes.)
I'd like to puncture his spinal cord. Oh, thank you, that's be lovely. And maybe some muscle relaxants? Swell."
And the tuning fork!
Who the hell runs out on an unconscious serial killer - arms ladden with hospital goods, no doubt - and buys a tuning fork? Where does one buy these forks?
How much research, exactly, can Mo' do about genetics - such as running different people's samples against each other to work some sort of logarithm *snigger* - in this lab of wonders:
A laptop? That's the geneticist's tool? Does he just stick the cotton swaps into the port holes? Pour the spinal fluid onto the keyboard? Sneak into the hospital wing, after repaying the lonely night nurse for her favour with a bit of action?
I know there was more - so, so much more, not least of which was tonight's "the antibodies are strong enough to fight the infection" bullshit. Does this man not watch CSI? House? Because obviously he's completely forgotten his university education. No wonder his father was so disapointed.
...I was much more coherent 2/3 asleep last-last night, I think, than I am now. *sigh*
ETA:
projectdownload pimping, because I keep forgetting about it and that is a horrible thing to do. So go, clicky, save someone's life.projectdownload - - What is this?* xkcd shirt
