bending_sickle | We tell lies to our parents, we hide in their rooms.*

Went to bed ridiculously late again last night - in retrospect, I think drinking a whole teapot after 10 pm wasn't a good idea - and thus woke up late today, and lazed about reading stuff for a few more hours after that, meaning it's past noon and I'm just getting started. Not that there's anything to start, really.

I've canceled my plans of checking out Rotterdam today - maybe tomorrow, if I manage to be out in the am. All I have to do today is pick up some books at the library. Well, I ought to rear an article and start planning the Self Study texts, and maybe checking out plane tickets and dates would be good.

However, I've got a heavy dose of I Can't Be Bothered mixed in with the Must Get Out travel bug. So I have the urgent need to go someplace and don't quite know where to go. I'm toying with Schipol again, but honestly, that's sad. I could go to Noordwijk - the lamer, smaller version of Katwijk, but at least I like it. Also, it's one hour away by bus, which right now sounds like heaven itself.

I haven't answered mom's email, mostly because I'm a coward and hope things will just go away and fix themselves, but know that I'm not going to wake up tomorrow with a plane ticket in my hand and an itinerary for my sojourn to Spain on my desk. And I haven't called her because I'm a double-coward and have a little bit of self-preservation left. It'd be like signing up for a flagellation session when you've got a badly sunburnt back. Just no.

I think part of my being emotionally fucked up right now is that I haven't had any social interactions in...ooh, two weeks? Bound to mess one up a little, I think. I should email and call people, but then, Can't Be Bothered, remember?

I'm swinging between not thinking or feeling anything at all to missing something terribly. What a fucking waste of existence, really. Nothing to look forward to that I can remember now, and I feel so very stagnant, and I can't look back because it hurts... Remember when I was chipper? Knew it couldn't last.

Screw this. Noordwijk it is.

* "Two More Years", Bloc Party