The loneliness that cuts so fine*
Feb. 27th, 2007 01:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bending_sickleUpdate on postgraduate options: I've been (not-surprisingly) rejected from U of CHicago and UCDavis. However, have been accepted to the 1-year Masters in Vrije. Still waiting on Radboud to reply, and for Green to send me my letters. Larsson has completely failed at replying my emails and I'm very, very worried now. (Also a bit peeved.) Have sent him a third email now, a bit more plaintative and deadline'ish.
Daily Life: I rewatched Blood Diamond, completely fell in love all over again with the beauty that is the trailer for Frank Miller's 300 and got all hyped for Paris, je t'aime. Which I just realized I could have watched yesterday, but whatev'.
After the film I walked down to the beach. I'd only been standing facing the waves half a minute when a guy walkes up to me and says he wants to ask me a question. At my uncooperative "Yar?" he asked me two or three times whether I actually understand him. (Why do I always look like a foreigner? Even to a foreigner?) His point, apparently, was that I looked like some chick he knew. Now, considering my back was to him before he walked up, it must've been our asses that were not disimilar. I kept giving him the shifty eyes treatment, but he just went on and on. Even into fucking astrology: "You will have a very, very long life." Well, gee, great, now fuck off. Eventually he did, but by then the beautiful, relaxed and contemplative mood I'd had was gone.
Why do I always get hit on by the really wierd ones? Especially when I want to be alone? Why?
Then I went home and watched Bones, delighting in David Boreanaz, who finally looks somewhat cute - never again will he be hot - after slimming down post-Angel. (Man has he slimmed.) Was pleasantly surprised to see Adam Baldwin in one ep, although the fact that he was evil was pretty obvious from minute one. Totally not surprised at all. Still: Adam!
As for today, I had breakfast over at MCarmen's and Mom's officially in Spain. Going to have lunch at MCarmen's. Mom would have a fit if she knew, and MCarmen would have a fit it I didn't, so seeing as I'm the one who'll be eating, I'll decide. This afternoon is planned to be spent making myself pool-presentable, drinking tea, writing a Macaria&Floyd conversation and watching Bones.
Before mom took her flight, we talked on the phone and I complained about being bored over the weekend. (Now, apparently, I don't have to go to Cubelles, when just last year in exactly the same circumstances, I absolutely had to. Turn-about much?) Mom was kind enough to point out that I don't have friends in Cubelles. Brilliant, ma. Neither do I Barcelona. No, I don't know how I could go about making friends. Yes, I would like friends, but seeing as I haven't had a friends in arms' reach in well over two years, I really don't think it's an urget matter anymore, particularly since I'll be leaving. And not just leaving, but going off to be a student again, in close contact with other people. But basically mom just made me feel miserable and alone, which I really, really didn't need just then. Damnit, I've sort of gotten over it. I'm back to being functinal, gorramit, which is loads better than this time last year.
Sorry for the bitter tone of the post, but man have I been feeling peeved this week. When not on the brink of tears, o' course. But mostly I've just been peeved. Last week, I didn't go grocery shopping. Oh no, I went out to the super to get my revenge on food. I kept slamming and dropping food in there angrily, muttering things the likes of an ogre, picking his way through a village's folk: "You! You are coming home with me. And you! Yes, you. You I will eat with relish. No use running away with your little stick legs, I'm a goona git you."
* Blue Rodeo, 5 Days in May
Daily Life: I rewatched Blood Diamond, completely fell in love all over again with the beauty that is the trailer for Frank Miller's 300 and got all hyped for Paris, je t'aime. Which I just realized I could have watched yesterday, but whatev'.
After the film I walked down to the beach. I'd only been standing facing the waves half a minute when a guy walkes up to me and says he wants to ask me a question. At my uncooperative "Yar?" he asked me two or three times whether I actually understand him. (Why do I always look like a foreigner? Even to a foreigner?) His point, apparently, was that I looked like some chick he knew. Now, considering my back was to him before he walked up, it must've been our asses that were not disimilar. I kept giving him the shifty eyes treatment, but he just went on and on. Even into fucking astrology: "You will have a very, very long life." Well, gee, great, now fuck off. Eventually he did, but by then the beautiful, relaxed and contemplative mood I'd had was gone.
Why do I always get hit on by the really wierd ones? Especially when I want to be alone? Why?
Then I went home and watched Bones, delighting in David Boreanaz, who finally looks somewhat cute - never again will he be hot - after slimming down post-Angel. (Man has he slimmed.) Was pleasantly surprised to see Adam Baldwin in one ep, although the fact that he was evil was pretty obvious from minute one. Totally not surprised at all. Still: Adam!
As for today, I had breakfast over at MCarmen's and Mom's officially in Spain. Going to have lunch at MCarmen's. Mom would have a fit if she knew, and MCarmen would have a fit it I didn't, so seeing as I'm the one who'll be eating, I'll decide. This afternoon is planned to be spent making myself pool-presentable, drinking tea, writing a Macaria&Floyd conversation and watching Bones.
Before mom took her flight, we talked on the phone and I complained about being bored over the weekend. (Now, apparently, I don't have to go to Cubelles, when just last year in exactly the same circumstances, I absolutely had to. Turn-about much?) Mom was kind enough to point out that I don't have friends in Cubelles. Brilliant, ma. Neither do I Barcelona. No, I don't know how I could go about making friends. Yes, I would like friends, but seeing as I haven't had a friends in arms' reach in well over two years, I really don't think it's an urget matter anymore, particularly since I'll be leaving. And not just leaving, but going off to be a student again, in close contact with other people. But basically mom just made me feel miserable and alone, which I really, really didn't need just then. Damnit, I've sort of gotten over it. I'm back to being functinal, gorramit, which is loads better than this time last year.
Sorry for the bitter tone of the post, but man have I been feeling peeved this week. When not on the brink of tears, o' course. But mostly I've just been peeved. Last week, I didn't go grocery shopping. Oh no, I went out to the super to get my revenge on food. I kept slamming and dropping food in there angrily, muttering things the likes of an ogre, picking his way through a village's folk: "You! You are coming home with me. And you! Yes, you. You I will eat with relish. No use running away with your little stick legs, I'm a goona git you."
* Blue Rodeo, 5 Days in May
no subject
Date: 2007-03-01 11:33 pm (UTC)i miss you. we would do friend things if you were here! as it is, you will just have to pretend that i'm giving you a fresh baked cookie right now.
i'm so irritated with people talking to me that i now pretty much tell everyone i don't speak whatever language they ask me in (unless they're old people).
though this line made me laugh a lot:
"Now, considering my back was to him before he walked up, it must've been our asses that were not disimilar."
i'm sorry things aren't going well for you, though.
xxx
kit-kat