Drabble

[bending_sickle]

Well, not technically, as it's more than 100 words (221 to be exact). This is just a little scene I wrote on the spur of caffeine. In my head, rest assured, it has a timeline, but really it's just about 5 seconds of conversaton between two people. It's not even good. (More like melodramatic.) I think it's just me with a writing-itch and the handy excuse that I'm "practicing".


She heard the door open, the keys being set down on the coffee table, the footsteps cross the living room. She heard the rustle of clothes, the soft puff of breath.

The footsteps stopped.

She didn’t turn around from the window.

"What’s wrong?" He crouched beside her, hesitating before laying a hand on her arm. "What is it?" He hated the way she shrank away from his touch, covering her face with her arm instead.

"I- it’s not..." Her voice lowered just above a whisper. "It’s not wrong."

"What isn’t?"

"No, I mean..." She lowered her arm, resting it on his hand, but kept her face turned. "It’s not wrong, is it?"

"What isn’t, darling?" He shifted closer. "What’s got you going on like this?"

She gave a small huff and turned to face him. "This, the two of us." She leaned closer, her eyes flickering over his forehead, eyes, lips, chin. They settled somewhere below his shirt collar. She fiddled with the buttons. "It’s okay, isn’t it?"

"Oh, god, darling," he murmured, pressing his cheek against her forehead. "Of course it is. More than okay." She lifted her gaze at his soft kiss, resting her chin on his shoulder and folded into his arms. "It’s okay," he repeated. "It works, we work. We fit together, and it’ll work out fine."

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

my only comment is that i think she would automatically look at his eyes before the rest of his features if she's just turned around. like, i know she's scoping out his face but i think automatically i would flick to the eyes even if i didn't intend to.

but that's really just a matter of opinion! i don't actually know, that could just be me.

i like it, though to be honest because i don't know the context i feel like it's actually NOT ok and he's just telling her that it is. squicky- but kind of hot.

-kathleen

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

Context? What context? The timeline and characters are all very fluey, so if you get the feeling that it's not ok, then damn it, it's not. (Actually, I thought it kinda was, but hey, this drabble is flexible.)

Aw, man, this could go to some dark places...

"Squicky - but kinda hot"? *evil grin* Squick, really?

I think I agree with you on the eye thing. It's *really* hard to ignore the eyes when you first glance at someone.

[(Anonymous)]

no, no, the comment about it being NOT ok is in the story- where she's asking if it's wrong, and he's all like "hey baby, love's love and it's all alright so let's get it ON". frankly, i get a lolita vibe. which in general is NOT OK, lol. unless you're the Police.

but it's fine in terms of its autonomy.

-kathleen

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

Oh sweet god! No! Totally no Lolita-ing in my head when I wrote this. No siree. (Ack!)

What I was thinking, was whether it was ok for them to be together, because it was very complicated. (Not, y'know, illegal.) No nookie intentions at all.

*deep breath*

Would it help that one line was originally "This, the four of us."? I changed it, because, well, foursome is a bit heavy to go into with a drabble. I thought it'd simplify things.

...Thinking I should just suck it up and put my drabbles together and just plain write the damn thing.

[(Anonymous)]

ah, ok. that does make more sense. :) definitely erases the underage tone i was getting... unless it's a lolita-inspired foursome, of course. ;)

-kathleen