Dear gods stop me
Mar. 23rd, 2006 03:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bending_sickleWritten March 21, 2006
I really like watching House and, thanks to a single comment in LJ, have found a slash pairing. Ah, joys.
Remind me to investigate the fandom’s fics. And to find out why that soft-looking doctor looks so familiar. Oh, and I highly recommend increasing the contrast on your TV. It makes everything so pretty and intense: super red dresses, deep blue suits (or eyes, if that’s more your cuppa). Makes me see every scene as an icon just waiting to happen.
I love, btw, recognizing guest stars. Like finding Gina Torres in CSI:Las Vegas, or the guy who played Rack over in Buffy in some other show. And loads more people my sleepy brain won’t let me remember.
What I want to be stopped from is writing. Or plotting. Or possibly both.
Because it has come to my attention that I can’t write a one-shot drabble. I tried, see, and ended up adding a scene before and after the drabble, coming up with a companion piece and then deciding to load the whole thing into another fic that I’m writing.
One day I’m going to write a PWP just for the writing exercise.
The thing is, I seem to have no trouble coming up with middles, and occasionally almost-ends. Beginnings are harder to write. However, finishing the damn piece is what I seem to have the most trouble with.
One other thing I probably shouldn’t start talking about now because it’s late: I’m a bit anxious about sharing my fics. I understand that my having an LJ is a bit weird if I’m worried about the “que-dirai-t-il” and am shy. Although I think what I like about the LJ is that I can share stuff that I normally wouldn’t be able to, like fic recs or linky-links.
But I’ve never really written stories before, not really. Well, fine, as has everyone, I’ve written stories in school when I was little, but not for years and years. (Except for that kick-ass parody of a romance story that I sure as hell would like to have now to share it.) The only things I’ve written over the years were half-formed outlines of daydreams, some with more plot that others, most somewhat Mary-Sue-ish or self-insertionist at the most. I’ve written the odd short scene after that, in University, but those haven’t seen the light of day either. (Hell, just telling K that I wrote fanfiction was a frelling big leap. Mentioning my PotA*** one even more so.)
So it’s been a really long time since I’ve a) written seriously and b) written with the aim of there being a public. I know I didn’t really go into this, but I was quite anxious about showing the Jayne and River scene. Sure, by then my LJ had some-teen chapters of Hero’s Manual, but that’s a crack!fic and it knows it. With the Jayne and River fic, though, it was the first time ever that I let someone read my real stories. And I’d tried with that one, trying to keep in the fandom format.
So sharing my stories on communities is something I’m shy about. Although I realize that I kind of want people who know and love these characters to read my stories and tell me what they think (but nicely, of course). And wanting people to read my stories is the first step to losing that fear, I guess.
I also think that my worrying what The Readers would think about the quality may help my writing, if only so I don’t have mangled grammar and horrendous spelling.
About work and life and all that tripe: Mom and Dad were planning on going to California (without me) but have apparently decided instead to come visit me in Barcelona. Before that, though, they’ll go see my brother in Chicago (who, it turns out, may not have that job after all and anyway will possibly never ever* come to visit me). Mom is apparently thicker that I thought when in comes to DVDs. I’m going for the Canadian version, which has, reportedly**, the easter eggs and may even have the International Extra (“A Filmaker’s Journey”). If it doesn’t, that’s not terrible because a sweet soul on LJ let people like me download it. About the job with Kique, I think I’ll take it on volunteer-basis (i.e. no bling but also no contract and no shitload of hours), two hours in the morning Mondays to Thursdays.
I have to send out more CVs to yet more labs.
Think maybe the reason I’m resisting setting up shop here is that I don’t particularly want to. (My, how deep, Ms Freud.) What I mean is, because I don’t particularly want to be here, I don’t want to start making a life for myself here either. I don’t want to really plant my feet down.
It’s like I feel I could just leave next month and go home.
PS: In class today we talked about nationalities and what one feels one’s nationality is, or where they feel they’re from. Definitely not my favourite subject. In fact, I hate talking about it. It also doesn’t make me peachy. More like lemony, all bitter and teary-eyed.
It’s the lack of sleep talking, I swear.
…but my hand to god if I have to go through the “where are you from” shpeel one more time, heads are going to roll.
Double PS: Adam Baldwin is only hot with the goatie.
He’s still adorable as a person, however, and quite succinct in interviews. Two descriptions he’s said that are nice:
“Sex, muscle, humour, thuggery: Jayne”
“Hot, dusty, sweaty, sexy.” -> the little dust bowl where they filmed part of the movie, not Jayne again****
* Never ever in the foreseeable future.
** I asked, as Aliss, over at Immediate Assistance in fireflyfans.net.
*** I’ve promised her first dibs on the story, if it ever gets finished. Not that I’ve abandoned it, mind. It’s still a WIP for me.
**** Although, except for the sweaty part, it sounds kinda, well, hot and sexy. *eg*
I really like watching House and, thanks to a single comment in LJ, have found a slash pairing. Ah, joys.
Remind me to investigate the fandom’s fics. And to find out why that soft-looking doctor looks so familiar. Oh, and I highly recommend increasing the contrast on your TV. It makes everything so pretty and intense: super red dresses, deep blue suits (or eyes, if that’s more your cuppa). Makes me see every scene as an icon just waiting to happen.
I love, btw, recognizing guest stars. Like finding Gina Torres in CSI:Las Vegas, or the guy who played Rack over in Buffy in some other show. And loads more people my sleepy brain won’t let me remember.
What I want to be stopped from is writing. Or plotting. Or possibly both.
Because it has come to my attention that I can’t write a one-shot drabble. I tried, see, and ended up adding a scene before and after the drabble, coming up with a companion piece and then deciding to load the whole thing into another fic that I’m writing.
One day I’m going to write a PWP just for the writing exercise.
The thing is, I seem to have no trouble coming up with middles, and occasionally almost-ends. Beginnings are harder to write. However, finishing the damn piece is what I seem to have the most trouble with.
One other thing I probably shouldn’t start talking about now because it’s late: I’m a bit anxious about sharing my fics. I understand that my having an LJ is a bit weird if I’m worried about the “que-dirai-t-il” and am shy. Although I think what I like about the LJ is that I can share stuff that I normally wouldn’t be able to, like fic recs or linky-links.
But I’ve never really written stories before, not really. Well, fine, as has everyone, I’ve written stories in school when I was little, but not for years and years. (Except for that kick-ass parody of a romance story that I sure as hell would like to have now to share it.) The only things I’ve written over the years were half-formed outlines of daydreams, some with more plot that others, most somewhat Mary-Sue-ish or self-insertionist at the most. I’ve written the odd short scene after that, in University, but those haven’t seen the light of day either. (Hell, just telling K that I wrote fanfiction was a frelling big leap. Mentioning my PotA*** one even more so.)
So it’s been a really long time since I’ve a) written seriously and b) written with the aim of there being a public. I know I didn’t really go into this, but I was quite anxious about showing the Jayne and River scene. Sure, by then my LJ had some-teen chapters of Hero’s Manual, but that’s a crack!fic and it knows it. With the Jayne and River fic, though, it was the first time ever that I let someone read my real stories. And I’d tried with that one, trying to keep in the fandom format.
So sharing my stories on communities is something I’m shy about. Although I realize that I kind of want people who know and love these characters to read my stories and tell me what they think (but nicely, of course). And wanting people to read my stories is the first step to losing that fear, I guess.
I also think that my worrying what The Readers would think about the quality may help my writing, if only so I don’t have mangled grammar and horrendous spelling.
About work and life and all that tripe: Mom and Dad were planning on going to California (without me) but have apparently decided instead to come visit me in Barcelona. Before that, though, they’ll go see my brother in Chicago (who, it turns out, may not have that job after all and anyway will possibly never ever* come to visit me). Mom is apparently thicker that I thought when in comes to DVDs. I’m going for the Canadian version, which has, reportedly**, the easter eggs and may even have the International Extra (“A Filmaker’s Journey”). If it doesn’t, that’s not terrible because a sweet soul on LJ let people like me download it. About the job with Kique, I think I’ll take it on volunteer-basis (i.e. no bling but also no contract and no shitload of hours), two hours in the morning Mondays to Thursdays.
I have to send out more CVs to yet more labs.
Think maybe the reason I’m resisting setting up shop here is that I don’t particularly want to. (My, how deep, Ms Freud.) What I mean is, because I don’t particularly want to be here, I don’t want to start making a life for myself here either. I don’t want to really plant my feet down.
It’s like I feel I could just leave next month and go home.
PS: In class today we talked about nationalities and what one feels one’s nationality is, or where they feel they’re from. Definitely not my favourite subject. In fact, I hate talking about it. It also doesn’t make me peachy. More like lemony, all bitter and teary-eyed.
It’s the lack of sleep talking, I swear.
…but my hand to god if I have to go through the “where are you from” shpeel one more time, heads are going to roll.
Double PS: Adam Baldwin is only hot with the goatie.
He’s still adorable as a person, however, and quite succinct in interviews. Two descriptions he’s said that are nice:
“Sex, muscle, humour, thuggery: Jayne”
“Hot, dusty, sweaty, sexy.” -> the little dust bowl where they filmed part of the movie, not Jayne again****
* Never ever in the foreseeable future.
** I asked, as Aliss, over at Immediate Assistance in fireflyfans.net.
*** I’ve promised her first dibs on the story, if it ever gets finished. Not that I’ve abandoned it, mind. It’s still a WIP for me.
**** Although, except for the sweaty part, it sounds kinda, well, hot and sexy. *eg*
