Immediately and with huge, reverberating, chill clarity*

[bending_sickle]

I'm in a rather aggravated mood today for three reasons. The first, simply, is that today's work was slow, frustrating and almost lost once again due to computer psychosis.

The second is that while I went to the pool, I didn't manage to swim very much or very well because my goggles broke. As someone with contacts, goggles are indispensible in the pool, as chlorinated water makes my contacts dry out and stick to my eyelids, so that they end up somewhere behind my eyeball for brief, yet uncomfortable, stretches of time. I can swim quite well, but I cannot swim well whilst holding my head out of the water. My back simply does not bend that way well enough for me to do the freestyle - and precisely how is it free if it's a set assortment of movements? - and not drown. Furthermore, the pool was full of people aimlessly floating along at pathetic speeds, taking no heed to the concept of swimming in a line behind other people (or even of the "we drive on the right" concept). I ended up, as I said, swimming badly for too short a time. Hopefully Friday will be better. At least I'll have bought goggles.

The third is that, for the past few days, I've been mulling over a relationship, writing and rewriting a rather forceful (and apparently thoroughly English-sounding, as I am wont to do when annoyed and typing) email. I'll wax poetical - or more accurately, wrathful and with outstanding memory for details - as I doze off to sleep or as I'm in the shower, but when I actually sit down to write the email - as I've just done - nothing comes out and I even forget what it was I wanted to say. I've now been reduced to making a bullet-point list. Maybe one day I'll have everything down and write the damn thing. (It's a grave fault of mine that I forget the most important thing I want to say that I'm angry or upset about, so I have to give it time.) I am, of course, often tempted to be succinct and direct with a couple of swear words and leave it at that. But no, there's too much that I need to point-and-fume at for that. (There's a bit of my mother in me after all.)

There's one last thing which hasn't so much been the cause of grievance today, per se, but has however caused me moments of upset. I've lately realized that a friendship I rather cherished (being one of the few flesh-and-blood we-live-in-the-same-town friendships I have) is abysmally one-sided. It's sad to realize that your friend, for example, goes off often to places you two have been saying that you're dying to go back to, or that you're only invited along to join social plans because you've called in order to hang out and, other plans being already made, your friend invites you along. (On the surface, this seems nice, but why has your friend never invited you as they were making the plans? Why wouldn't you want to go to the beach, or a free concert?) Or, having invited you to said event, fails to tell you when, or where, saying only that the plans depend on how they feel that morning, or the weather, or on what they, plural, decide, in which case you, obviously the third and unwanted wheel who doesn't get a say in the planning, will be informed.

Or the utter, utter rudeness of your friend, who's arrived with two others, finding you at a coffee shop and chatting with you for a moment (as you stare at your empty coffee mug, moments from leaving as she'd arrived) and never once mentions that she's there with other people, or invites you to join them (both of whom you know and like) and are even snubbed (a wink is not a greeting when you haven't seen that person in months, especially if you never said a proper hello after another few months of absence) by a momentarily approaching friend.

It just hurts very much to know that, in your friend's eyes, you don't count very much so far as socializing or friendship goes. They freely admit that they are much too busy to be with you because they have to concentrate on making new friends while the new batch of students is still wide-eyed and un-cliqued. So I'd rather not ask to hang out with someone who so obviously doesn't hold my company in any sort of regard.


Quote of the Day: A Stupid Question by Peter Doherty via literaryquotes

And so, progressively, her questions become more stupid. Hand in the fire stupid, eating broken glass stupid, forgetting that you don’t like pain stupid. Stupid then and stupid when, on a terribly, dreadly sunny day comes the most ridiculous, nauseous, frustratingly stupid question of them all.

On the wall high above the graffiti of all the things I could never bring myself to say, she turned to me just as the sun turned away and (thinking, in her stupidity, that it couldn’t see or hear us) asked: "Will you love me forever?"

"Of course not," I said.

Links of the Day:
ack_attack's True Blood reaction
Benny Knows Best, Comic
zqfans's Scream Awards 2009 (Fantasy, SF, Comics and Horror)
literaryquotes's The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult (I like the word evil.)
secretlytodream (Loki)'s SPN Fanvid Sometimes You Scream With Reason, And Sometimes Without
scc_johncameron's Thomas Dekker Interview
grrliz_icons's Tutorial: How To Clean Up An Image And Turn It Into A Decent Icon
dork_icons
News.BBC.co.uk's Fundraising appeal to save lions - A wildlife park near Doncaster has launched a fundraising campaign to bring 14 lions from a Romanian zoo.
Girl Genius Comic
Kills Me Dead: Movie Reviews
YouTube's Characters and Themes in Luc Besson Films Part 1 of 5


* Mil Millington, Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About

Comments

[lienne.livejournal.com]

<33

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

♥

[poisoned-sleep.livejournal.com]

I tend to sound a bit old-fashioned when I get angry.

That really sucks about your friend. It's awful when you realize that a situation or relationship is not at all what it seemed like at first...

xxx
Kit-Kat