Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.*

[bending_sickle]

When I was younger, I had a really good drama teacher for a year. Apart from setting up a wonderful puppet show using different puppet styles (I controlled the bunny and helped make the paper mache tucan) and him being a mime at the drama show (which would've gotten him sent to the scorpion pit by Vetinari), there's one other thing I remember clearly about those times.

He made us do a mental experiment in which we'd lie down and imagine that a great weight was pinning our limbs to the ground. Then we were asked to raise our arms. Most other people reported not being able to, but I felt nothing out of the ordinary and just pretended to struggle a bit.

Today, though, I know exactly what they meant. Moving, getting dressed, making the bed, hell, even putting thoughts together: I have to tackle these one minute action at a time. And then I'll just randomly break out into tears and be completely incapable of moving. And I just know that if I had one ounce more of will power, if I just stopped faking it all and pulled myself together like I know I can (there are a number of lies in this clause) then I could go about my business.

I woke up late again (seriously, I don't know why I have an alarm clock anyway). I've been dilly-dallying about going to work, but have finally decided that no, I can't. I've promised myself I'll try to work from home for a bit today, and make an actual day of it tomorrow. My knees are hurting again. They didn't when I woke up this morning, making it the first break in a few days, but they're back with a vengeance now. This makes me want to do absolutely nothing at all.

But the real reason I'm doing fuck-all again today and being an absolute failure at anything is that I can't seem to function. I've made a list of basic things I need to do to even make it out the door. And make it out the door I will: I need food and I'm going to send those godsdamned postcards for once and for all.

SMP Films: When Life Gets You Down:

I don't have a happy Buddah, though, and accomplish way less on average.


* Warren Buffett

Comments

[poisoned-sleep.livejournal.com]

Oh muffin. *hugs*

The worst for me when I was really depressed and couldn't do things without enormous effort was walking places. I remember I had to start leaving for classes at McGill twenty extra minutes earlier because walking from Peel was sooooo sloooooooow. It was awful but I just couldn't walk any damn faster than a shuffle. Like moving through sand.

*thinks happy thoughts and sends them your way*

xxx
Kit-Kat

[lienne.livejournal.com]

*snuggles you forever*

Oh boy, do I ever know what that's like. My solution was antidepressants, which half-worked at best. YMMV. *hugs*

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

*snuuuuuuugles*

[blizzardcake.livejournal.com]

aww sweetie *HUGS*

*Uses limited arts and crafts skillz to fashion you a happy Buddah*