Gosh, you are so sentimental.*

[bending_sickle]

No wonder you can’t go two whole minutes without company.

Have not packed. Wine bottle more than half empty. Yay pessimism! Headachey. Do not recommend cole slaw all on its lonesome for dinner. (And I loves me some slaw.) Too alcoholized to freak out. Not even remotely sleepy, though, just kinda stupid. Internet - i.e. LJ - feels very empty. Where iz people?!?

Am not drunk. Just, as mentioned, very woozy and sorta blah.

Honestly, though, I have no idea why I've posted so much today. Yes, there was the freaking out, and then the lack-of-social, and the OMG so freakin' scared about the move with new people and all that. But the thing is, everyone needs someone there, someone you can just turn to whilst your doing whatever and say, "Hey, did you see that?" or "This is hilarious" or whathaveyou and then just carry on. This is why people talk to their pets. I have no pets. Well, I have a fern, but we're not on speaking terms.

So I post, which is mildly better than daydreaming long and convoluted and completely realistic - except in the sense that they'd never happen - conversations with people. And by conversations I mean the occasional snog. Having never snogged anyone, I think it's highly unfair that film and fic has armed me with enough details to imagine The Snog in detail. And by detail, I mean, OMG I can feel it, detail. Also le suck.

Right now I'd like nothing more than to snuggle up with Actor I Will Not Name, Poor Shy Sod - except in my head it's not AIWNN,PSS but someone with that face and voice and yet different because I know this person, and their life history is different, and I know the quirks and stumbles andthisismakingmesoundinsane - and...well, just snuggle. There'd be some hair ruffling - and no, it's not that actor.

I don't know what I'm going on about anymore. Haven't done anything today beyond the bare requirements.

Am actually quite scared of the move. Scared in that I've grown attatched to my room, I know where things are, this is my space, and I don't bloody well want to move. Never really did. And then there'll be increased social activities, which while good for me will make me want to scream because it's been so bloody long that I would just want to slink away.

I ought to go to bed so's I can wake up at a decent hour and pack and cart stuff over with ample time to do a double-trip if need be. Did you know that hauling a massive trolley for over 2 km is just not that cool? Dunno if it's 2 km, it's definately 1.5-ish from here to the station, and then from the station to the new place is a good 20 minutes without a suitcase slowing one down. Oh gods, and then there's the unpacking.

Really damn well would love it if blizzardcake and I managed to pull off the Hamlet thing. I mean, just seeing ol' 'Cake would be enough, wherever the hell she was. Seeing 'Cake in Ireland? Icing on the whoot-cake, man. But apart from all that, the concept of organizing and actually achieving such a feat, such a fangirlish plan, is just so... Ugh. I'd literally squee.

This may or may not have something to do with the fact that I'd fuck Tennant in a heartbeat. Or at least my mind thinks I would - whether real-life me, with all the social inadequacies and, oh yeah, sanity, would, well, we can all figure that one out. Alright, ok, maybe Real Me would maybe just squee and try to squeeze in a hug post-autograph (pointless little things) at most. Simm on the other hand... Remember my "nigh irrestistible urge to snog random person" thingy? Oh yes. I might just cease resisting. Except I know I wouldn't, not really, because the man's a shy bastard and I'm not, remember, insane. But for fuck's sake, I need to get going here on the romance. *pause* And exactly how did we get to this topic?

Y'know what, I'm not even going to reread this bit. I'm just going to carry on spouting random shit. Why? Well, mainly 'cause I haven't talked to anyone today. And...well, no, that's it. The wine - evil, filthy, why oh why did I buy and drink it, wine - is just giving me a headache and making my head a bit slow, although my fingers seem fine. (Typing is a-ok, I mean.)

How telling is it that my daydreams - fantasies - are often just me, or not-quite-me, and someone else, just hanging out (snuggles onna couch have featured predominatly) and discussing random matters. I know women have a sort of minimum verbal requirement we need to spout off per day, but that's ridiculous. (Also wierd is that for each situation, I come up with a completely different setting. I mean, whole different house, furniture, clothes, life history, everything. I've walked in so many different homes in my head...) Yes, of course there's the occasional snog or plus-snog - I'm human, you may recall - but those bits aren't the focus. Or, more accurately, they happen and then it's over and I don't go back over those details - I can never seem to review or re-daydream a scene once it's set, which is also why I can't ever seem to write fic after I've throught it through. If I know how it goes, why write it?

Hmm, I seem to be saying quite a few - many - rather personal things here. Oh well, sorry to show all little-handful of you. I haven't written in my paper-diary in ages. Well, all month. This post is taking on the tone of my own private diary, which may be a bit unsettling. Sorry about that. (Well, no, unsettling? Why?) Oh Sickle, you foo'.

Oh, yeah, laundry mid-process. Ought to fix that.

Emailed brother asking if he was still alive an' shite, and he's all, "Yes! And we'll talk!" and that was that. So no talking. And...

I kind of can't believe this is my life I'm living. I mean, shouldn't I have a say in this? I'd like a do-over of my childhood, thanksverymuch. And when the time comes to make big ass decisions, I want people to fucking talk to me. No one ever talks. If we just said stuff rather than hinted or pretended or whatever, if we just out-and-out said, "Look, this is what's going on," in all honesty, a lot of shit wouldn't go down.

*times passes* Woah, man, just went to the kitchen and the floor shouldn't move like that. Seriously. Is this "tipsy"? I don't feel "a buzz". I just feel heavy-headed.

So I've been diving into the Martha/Master end of the Doctor Who pond, and I've gotten to thinking. (Well, "gotten to" is rather silly, as I've thought about this oft before.) What is it with me and crazy-ass bastards and their star-crossed lovers? Or just crazy-ass bastards. I know I've expressed concern over my love of this type of character characteristic, because never having been in a relationship - far from it - I don't really know what I'm into in Real Life. (Silly ol' real life.) Thinking about it, of course, I can tell you that no, I don't want to get involved with some crazy psychopathic bastard no matter how good the fuck but do I really, really know?

*pause* Oh look, sleepy. Fuck that. I'm not so much "on a roll" as just needing to vent. Or talk. Have been since yesterday, and a fat-load of good's happened since then. Elisa's hosting a sort of Luau on Saturday, so that'll be Fun Times. But in the meantime, it's not-really-Wednesday-night and I'm typing away with Stars on repeat still.

I think I need someone. I really do. Most of the time I'm all a-ok with the whole "young spinster with a degree in hermitude" thing I've got going, but really, if just picturing a hair ruffle makes my knees weak and my heart go flop like a stranded fish, something aint' right.

I like that heart-fish metaphor.

The entire country's been partying today and all I've done is cart luggage about and read fic with a glassful of something I don't even like, mayhaps with the hope of testing that "inner chain-smoking alcoholic" theory of the inner-me I've got going.

Aaaaand this is me running out of steam. Friendsickles, we totally need to do a whole one-on-one tea evening someday. Miss you all.

You Have Low Self Esteem 56% of the Time

While you sometimes feel good about yourself, you tend to struggle a little with self esteem issues. It's not about changing who you are, it's about accepting your faults. You just need to be less critical and demanding of yourself!

How is Your Self Esteem?

Your Passion is Purple!

You've got a ton of passion, but you don't always wear it on your sleeve. If something truly excites you, you let your inner intensity shine through. But otherwise, your passion tends to morph into energy ... which you never lack. You're a balanced woman, knowing when to turn on the fire in your heart.

What Type of Passionate Woman Are You?

You Are 92% Pure

You're so innocent, it's almost like you're not human. Taking this test is probably the naughtiest thing you've done in a while!

How Pure Are You?

You are Agnostic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care. For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine. You rather focus on what you can control - your own life. And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

The Movie Of Your Life Is Film Noir

So what if you're a little nihilistic at times? Life with meaning is highly over-rated. Your best movie matches: Sin City, L. A. Confidential, Blade Runner

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

You Are % Lady

Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners. But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette

Are You A Lady?

Bzuh?

Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy. You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

Yay \o/ Prudeless!

You Are Pretty Happy Being Single

You have a full, fun life. And you definitely don't need love to be content. Of course, being single can get you down a little. Especially when you've been single for a while. But you know how to be patient and wait for the right person. You're life is too good to settle for anything!

Are You Happy Being Single?

Your Monster Profile

Lethal Hunter You Feast On: Pickles You Lurk Around In: Closets You Especially Like to Torment: Crybabies

What's Your Monster Name?

Rawr!

You Are a Conservative Democrat

Frankly, the way most other Democrats behave embarasses you greatly. You pride yourself on a high level of morals, and you have a good grasp on right and wrong. It's likely you think America needs to get back to its conservative, Juedo-Christian values. Why aren't you a Republican then? Because you believe the goverment helps more than hurts.

What's Your Political Persuasion?

o.0 The fuck? Judeo-Christian values can go jump off a cliff. It's humane values I care 'bout.

You Are a Bloody Mary

You're a fairly serious drinker, who's experimented a lot with different drinks. You're a drunk, but a stable drunk. You don't ever let your drinking get out of control.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Bwahahahahahahahaha! *breathe* Bwahahahahahaha!

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you as both flirtatious and intimidating. Your friends are secretly put off by your seductive powers. And strangers either fear you or obsess over you - sometimes both. No way to fight it - you're a natural vamp. Or rake.

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

o.0

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You?

You Are 50% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

Ya think?

You Are An Intro-Extrovert!

Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need variety! Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along.

Are You An Extroverted or Introverted Girl?

I escaped from the Dungeon of Bending Sickle!

I killed Lidi the floating eye.

I looted the Dagger of Sylar, the Dagger of Ack Attack, the Crown of Subterrani, the Amulet of Life On Mars and 8 gold pieces.

Score: 108

Explore the Dungeon of Bending Sickle and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

Links of the Day:
Josey Vogels, My Messy Bedroom April 24, 2008 "Lacking Awareness" - "Raise you hand if you knew that April is National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. That’s what I thought."
premade_ljs - I need a chaaaaange!


* zauberer_sirin, The Birthday Boy

Comments

[lienne.livejournal.com]

Yes, I read all that.

Except the memes. XD



*SNUGGLECUDDLEHEARTS*

You're really quite cute when you're tipsy, you know that? XD

[blizzardcake.livejournal.com]

*HUGGS* Reading your post made me decide two things:

1) When we finally get together we should totally spend part of it watching a movie with a bottle of wine in tow. It just has way too much potential to be filled with hilarity and fun :) (just like Gackt's first stage of drunkenness, I find everything funny. The only difference is that I don't get the crying/violent stages).

2) I need to show you the entry in my real journal that I wrote after a few glasses of Australian red (I forget the brand). The fact that you can type and and be so coherent amazes me! I couldn't stay between the lines with my pen...

*huggs again* the one-on-one tea evening is deffo a must!

[(Anonymous)]

♥♥♥!!! *hugglesnugglefest*

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

That war me, arr.

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

I think I remember that tipsy-post of yours. I was amused :)

And yes, we definately need a whole load of get-togethers involving various beverages. (My first stage of drink appears to be sleepy relaxation, but then I've always drunk in pretty relaxing environments. Don't much feel the need to discover my "way more tan tipsy" stages.)

[capn-mactastic.livejournal.com]

I refuse to do any more memes

You Are 16% Pure

You've been a very bad girl or boy... And you probably enjoyed every minute of it.

How Pure Are You?

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

*sporfle* XD