When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.'*

h'okay.

tomorrow morning i've got the neurologist appointment and since it's in the ass-end of the city (like, go to the end of the metro line and then take a bus), it'll be an early morning. and since it's at 10 a.m. and resonance stuff is going to be happening, it'll also be a long morning.

so yay.

this is how i feel about things at the moment:

meaning i am quietly and constantly freaking out

and my brain keeps throwing you're going bliiiiiind thoughts at me, with a dose of braaain tumors can do this toooooooooo which is just about as fun as you can imagine because i'm basically just going

and it's stupid because - well, it's just alarmist shit, is what it is.

it could be anything, it could be nothing (well, okay, it's not nothing because something's happened but it could not be happening any more than it is already, if that makes sense). so no reason to worry.

also the idea of the actual i don't even know what they're going to do to me tomorrow is freaking me out a bit.

and then i also worry 'cause the folks are going to be on holiday for like a month which means if shit really goes down i'll be on my lonesome and fuckety fuck fuck

also FUCKING KIWILAND anxiety is always there especially since goddamnit professor person talk to me (not that i've checked my email today...or will do so tomorrow because ahaha dying)

so basically i give up on being a human being tomorrow for most of the day.

(i was going to make a more coherent actually-for-livejournal post but then my brain cells wouldn't rub up against each other and yeah. i'll write a thing sometime during the weekend.)


* Robert Lynn Asprin