And we're all grown now, but we don't know how*

So I'm still hoping yesterday didn't quite happen, but I woke up with a pit in my stomach and nausea so maybe it did. My dad made pancakes, whatever that's supposed to mean. My brother's promised to call later.

Maybe over lunch I can actually communicate with my parents and this ultimatum can turn into a "hey this is something we both want, let's work to get it done" instead of some fucked up firing squad shit.

Don't quite know whether to start looking at Birmingham and Manchester flat shares, jobs, hostels, or perhaps going for option b which is ignoring everything for a little bit until it doesn't feel like my innards are trying to go out and explore the world without me. And yes, I've got songs on repeat. Le coping, it is not going well.


* "Back 2 Good", Matchbox Twenty

What is this fuckery*

So apparently my mother wasn't threatening me with being kicked out of the house, she just wanted me to have a more active social life. Because words mean different things in her head than the rest of the world. According to her saying that I have until Sept. 1 or there is the nun house which acts as a hotel actually means, "I told you two years ago to go hang out with people."

Good thing I didn't have a complete and utter mental fucking breakdown yesterday over this, right?

Ugh.

I can't even.


* Common expression