Secretly falling apart unseen*
Feb. 1st, 2008 04:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bending_sickleLast night, 'round 1:30 am until past 2:30 am, the guy downstairs decided to practice his fucking guitar. I eventually got up, donned my boots and coat, and buzzed him. No response, but he stopped after that. Today, for the past fucking 3 hours, he's been again playing his guitar - and are those drums?!? - so loud that the floor and all my insides are reverberating. And it's really annoying but I don't feel like I can ask him to stop 'cause it's an acceptable time of day. Also, it's been three hours.
Immediate ETA: Well, writing that brought everything to a point and I went downstairs and told him to stfu. But nicely, and even wih phrases like, "Thank you for being so understanding." (Wtf, self, wtf.) I mentioned the 2 am playing, and he explained it was the other guys being drunk. (No shit.) He was nice and understanding and again door-slammed. But hey. Note: the guys are apparently music students, so that's why he's practicing with all sorts of synthesizer stuff.
So the apathy's turned into unexplained misery and crying. Still haven't done anything and I figure if this lifestyle goes on any further I might as well hand my life back unused for someone else to live. I'm just trudging through life and sitting around waiting or doing things that need to be done and lived through, but without drawing any enjoyment out of it. I only get one shot at this anyway, and I'm just wasting it and whiling it away. It doesn't help that there's been nothing so far that I've been thankful for, that I've been glad to be alive if only for the chance to experience that one moment. Never wanted to be born anyway.
Watched Lost's 4x01 just now. Of all the characters, Hurley is the one that most easily and surprisingly presses my woe-buttons. The most simplest little woes that with anyone else would get nothing from me, translated into Hurley-speak just break my heart. Damn you, Hurley. Also, they're never picking up the polar bear thing, are they?
Things Iought to have done need to do:
-see the train-ticket promotions -> Couldn't find what Ma' was taling about Found it. Now I have to read it.
- see kamernet.nl for rooms in Leiden
- see Dutch language courses
- see any other course or club or something
-email supervisor regarding forms
-email Department head regarding getting a doctor
-email for Biodiversity and Society grade
- email Ma photographs
- email people
-scour diaries to see when I last went to the opthalmologist
- hair highlights ftw
Things I want to do:
- type out fic bits
- post crack!fic prompts from meme and fanvid idea
-walkabout
-movie? Cloverfield!
I think I'll go throw myself into a ditch. Kthnxbai.
ETA: Three things:
a) This morning the government folks came in again to see who lived here. I told them they'd already come. Their response? "Yeah, but this time we're making a report." *seethe* At 9:30 am, people who work aren't home, and people who are home aren't awake.
b) It's probably too late in the day to do anything at all, unless I say fuck it to stuff I need to do - again - and walk outside. I'll be damned if I'm going to the HiFi club in Leiden for tonight's party. If I won't go to a bar alone, I sure as hell won't go to a club alone.
c) Hit me up for LJ banners. I'm in the mood for a change.
Links of the Day:
Nine Hundred Grandmothers by R. A. Lafferty
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
thenicestthings - People post the particularly nice things others have told them.
Doctor Who in Five Minutes
* "Strange and Beautiful", Aqualung
Immediate ETA: Well, writing that brought everything to a point and I went downstairs and told him to stfu. But nicely, and even wih phrases like, "Thank you for being so understanding." (Wtf, self, wtf.) I mentioned the 2 am playing, and he explained it was the other guys being drunk. (No shit.) He was nice and understanding and again door-slammed. But hey. Note: the guys are apparently music students, so that's why he's practicing with all sorts of synthesizer stuff.
So the apathy's turned into unexplained misery and crying. Still haven't done anything and I figure if this lifestyle goes on any further I might as well hand my life back unused for someone else to live. I'm just trudging through life and sitting around waiting or doing things that need to be done and lived through, but without drawing any enjoyment out of it. I only get one shot at this anyway, and I'm just wasting it and whiling it away. It doesn't help that there's been nothing so far that I've been thankful for, that I've been glad to be alive if only for the chance to experience that one moment. Never wanted to be born anyway.
Watched Lost's 4x01 just now. Of all the characters, Hurley is the one that most easily and surprisingly presses my woe-buttons. The most simplest little woes that with anyone else would get nothing from me, translated into Hurley-speak just break my heart. Damn you, Hurley. Also, they're never picking up the polar bear thing, are they?
Things I
-
- see kamernet.nl for rooms in Leiden
- see Dutch language courses
- see any other course or club or something
-
-
-
- email Ma photographs
- email people
-
- hair highlights ftw
Things I want to do:
- type out fic bits
- post crack!fic prompts from meme and fanvid idea
-
-
I think I'll go throw myself into a ditch. Kthnxbai.
ETA: Three things:
a) This morning the government folks came in again to see who lived here. I told them they'd already come. Their response? "Yeah, but this time we're making a report." *seethe* At 9:30 am, people who work aren't home, and people who are home aren't awake.
b) It's probably too late in the day to do anything at all, unless I say fuck it to stuff I need to do - again - and walk outside. I'll be damned if I'm going to the HiFi club in Leiden for tonight's party. If I won't go to a bar alone, I sure as hell won't go to a club alone.
c) Hit me up for LJ banners. I'm in the mood for a change.
Links of the Day:
Nine Hundred Grandmothers by R. A. Lafferty
thenicestthings - People post the particularly nice things others have told them. Doctor Who in Five Minutes
* "Strange and Beautiful", Aqualung
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 04:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 05:00 pm (UTC)*bearhug*
no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 05:30 pm (UTC)*loves you*
*sends you flowers and rainbows AND A UNICORN!!!!*
xxx
kit-kat
no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 05:46 pm (UTC)I wish I weren't elegible for a unicorn, but I'll take the poor thing anyway :)
*snuggles up to you*
no subject
Date: 2008-02-01 11:42 pm (UTC)That neighbour deserves a swift kick in the you know where. And being a music student does not excuse keeping the whole apartment awake with the noise (at the very least shove a sock under the guitar strings to mute the sound. Hmph.)
Sigh. I feel the same way lately. It feels like nothing useful is happening in my life (just trudging through as you called it) But dammit I'm sure things will start looking up. we deserve a break ;) *huggs again*
no subject
Date: 2008-02-02 12:05 am (UTC)The thing is, apparently you can only hear it from my room. My roommate next door can't hear 'em, even though he can when in my room (so I'm not insane or anything).
Why isn't life exciting and thrilling and fun?!? Whyyyy?!
Oh, and honey? A break? Theseses - thesi? - and then job-hunting? The gimme-a-break dispensers mock you and flash the *empty* button. (Ignore me, I is bitter. A bitter, bitter citrus.)