bending_sickle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bending_sickle) wrote2011-09-17 07:43 pm
bending_sickle) wrote2011-09-17 07:43 pm
Entry tags:
- actors: interviews,
- actors: mark sheppard,
- actors: misha collins,
- art,
- books: harry potter,
- family,
- fandom: analysis,
- fandom: art,
- fandom: behind the scenes,
- fandom: crossover,
- fandom: fanmixes,
- fandom: fanvids,
- fandom: fic,
- health,
- human rights,
- my daily life,
- sexuality,
- tv: angel,
- tv: behind the scenes,
- tv: btvs,
- tv: doctor who,
- tv: ringer,
- tv: sherlock
Have you heard this little joke?*
It's been ages since I last wrote a proper post. Weeks, even. Hoenstly, there's not been all that much going on, and what has is either work-related or stuff I'd rather not remember. The work-related stuff invovles a lot of reading and writing and feeling-the-crunching, because the publication we're working on now has a very real, very close deadline. But it's getting done, and even if I just have one more week to work on it, it will be okay. *zens out*
As for the stuff I'd rather not remember, it was the usual chaos and emotional fucked-up-edness of parents-child-relationships. The wonderful thing about not wanting to remember such things is that I end up really not remembering it, because my memory vault is strong (even though it leaks occasionally). Point is, last weekend was one of those days where verything blows up and we all end up shouting and crying at the table in the restaurant and it takes the rest of the weekend to get some sort of emotional recovery. I just want to say that things are better now - or at least we've all moved forward - and I would have been a blubbering, wrecked mess if it hadn't been for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seschat. So, just ♥
I read this post by Tumblr's crowleyismyco-pilot (who is awesome) on the why behind her love and adoration for all things Mark Sheppard (except possibly it wasn't this post but one like it or maybe I just can't remmeber things anymore), and has finally pushed me into writing about something I've been meaning to write about for a while. (Except, of course, I realize now that I've already written about it all here).
In her post, she says, "Basically, Mark Sheppard is my safe place," and this is exactly what daydreams - crushes, fantasies, whatever form they take - are all about. They're about helping you cope.
I daydream. Always have, always will. And I mean always. All the time. Walking down the street, falling asleep, waiting for the elevator, brushing my teeth - no moment is too short. I do a lot of coping through daydreams. Coping and expressing and handling emotions and exploring reactions and trying to figure out what I'd do and who I am. I do that by exploring plot themes, and sometimes my safe place might involve not being safe at all.
I don't know where I'm going with this post - especially now that I see I've already written at length about it before - and also considering I started this two weeks ago. But. I can remember at least three recent situations or storylines I've gone through in my head - and I'm generally loath to use the term "daydreaming" because that always makes it sound like it's all puppies and kittens and Mary Sues - where things have not gone well.
The general theme is the main character - let's call her Psyche, because while she's not necessarily me, she's the point-of-view of the whole story - has to defend her humanity, or innocence, or the fact that she belongs somewhere and please not to be killed or locked up or whatever. I'm talking being in a devil's trap and having to convince the Winchesters that she's not a demon, or being on Galactica and have to convince Adama and Singh that she's not a cylon. That sort of thing, where all she has is her word and her impossible knowledge of where she is. Not happy times, and it doesn't always work. (Funny twist when the holy water smoked, for example, or when there's really no way to prove she's not a cylon without vivisection coming into play. And anything she knows, if they can corroborate it, is useless, and if they can't, is a lie.) I have no idea why my Psyche thinks going through these situations and emotions and having to defend herself as a human being is actually necessary.
I've also written, deleted, rewritten, rinse-and-repeat me trying to start to explain the storyline for the situation I've been thinking about since about December. It's just...it's not a bad story in itself, and it's not terribly embarrassing, I think, and yet I can't figure out how to write it or present it or whatnot. So. I might get around to writing it down here sometime, because I really do like where it's going, but eh.
In other, fannish, news:
- Ringer wins all the things, including my heart.
- Torchwood: Miracle Day was an excercise of meh-ness concluding in one final burst of "oh no you di'n't" (with a little bit of "Care Bear Stare saves the day, again" facepalming).
- Doctor Who's "The Girl Who Waited" broke my heart into a million little pieces.
- I'll be missing Supernatural's 7x01 next week, which means that a) I get to wait two more weeks until Ye Great Emotional Car Crash, b) I'll get to watch 7x01 and 7x02 back-to-back, and c) I'll be gone when the internet implodes. None of this is actually good.
Quote of the Day:greygirlbeast, here
Links of the Day:
Supernatural:
yaya_wr8t3r's Meta Why is it easier to forgive Castiel and not Sam?
captainlon's Report VanCon 2011: The Misha Cruise
fiercelynormal's GIFs Season 6 Gag Reel
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
dean_sam's flocked Extended The French Mistake Clips
mia6363's Fic Guardian Angel, and Life's Other Ironies
inktrain's Fic No one taes your freedom
princess_schez's Fic As Time Goes By
seschat's Fanmix (WIP) Again, As Before, Alone
obeyshi's Fanmix Broken and Realigned
mizra's Fanmix I'm a fine liner teaster ; Picspam Dean in The End, with quotes - ♥
gluisa88's Fanvid I wish you the best
rumrouz's Fanvid This is war
gnev_ishtar's Fanvid When my time comes
toranoko's Fanvid Bye Bye Bye - *NSYNC and yet, somehow, it works
ash48's Fanvid I like the way you move
Cloudyvisions' Video DragonCon - Supernatural Panel, Part 1 f 6 - Quality is excelleeeeent.
Songineverheard's Video Misha crashing Sebastian's panel (and the kiss)
Ilovehatemycity's Video Interview Misha Collins, Part 1 of 3
Doctor Who:
redscharlach's Fantext Future of Doctor Who "Literally Uncertain"
Sherlock:
Other Fandom:
marylou_gr's A Song of Fire and Ice Fanmix You Cut Her Hair
starsburn's Twilight Fanmix Bones By the Fire
Wired's Why Alphas is better than Heroes
Multifandom:
Random:
akzseinga's Collaborative Meta Meme We love the women that the fandom hates
lienne's Fictional TV Show, "Morningstar" - Le win!
Alternet's 10 Myths Many Religious People Hold About Atheists, Debunked
The Current Conscience's A Message to Women from a Man: You Are Not "Crazy" - "Gaslighting is a term, often used by mental health professionals (I am not one), to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy." If you want to see me get hysterical, tell me I'm being hysterical and I'll snap.
Social Phobia Inventory (Test) - I scored 30, where 21-30 is "Mild Social Anxiety". So not really all that mild.
* "Have You Heard" Thea Gilmore
As for the stuff I'd rather not remember, it was the usual chaos and emotional fucked-up-edness of parents-child-relationships. The wonderful thing about not wanting to remember such things is that I end up really not remembering it, because my memory vault is strong (even though it leaks occasionally). Point is, last weekend was one of those days where verything blows up and we all end up shouting and crying at the table in the restaurant and it takes the rest of the weekend to get some sort of emotional recovery. I just want to say that things are better now - or at least we've all moved forward - and I would have been a blubbering, wrecked mess if it hadn't been for
seschat. So, just ♥I read this post by Tumblr's crowleyismyco-pilot (who is awesome) on the why behind her love and adoration for all things Mark Sheppard (except possibly it wasn't this post but one like it or maybe I just can't remmeber things anymore), and has finally pushed me into writing about something I've been meaning to write about for a while. (Except, of course, I realize now that I've already written about it all here).
In her post, she says, "Basically, Mark Sheppard is my safe place," and this is exactly what daydreams - crushes, fantasies, whatever form they take - are all about. They're about helping you cope.
I daydream. Always have, always will. And I mean always. All the time. Walking down the street, falling asleep, waiting for the elevator, brushing my teeth - no moment is too short. I do a lot of coping through daydreams. Coping and expressing and handling emotions and exploring reactions and trying to figure out what I'd do and who I am. I do that by exploring plot themes, and sometimes my safe place might involve not being safe at all.
I don't know where I'm going with this post - especially now that I see I've already written at length about it before - and also considering I started this two weeks ago. But. I can remember at least three recent situations or storylines I've gone through in my head - and I'm generally loath to use the term "daydreaming" because that always makes it sound like it's all puppies and kittens and Mary Sues - where things have not gone well.
The general theme is the main character - let's call her Psyche, because while she's not necessarily me, she's the point-of-view of the whole story - has to defend her humanity, or innocence, or the fact that she belongs somewhere and please not to be killed or locked up or whatever. I'm talking being in a devil's trap and having to convince the Winchesters that she's not a demon, or being on Galactica and have to convince Adama and Singh that she's not a cylon. That sort of thing, where all she has is her word and her impossible knowledge of where she is. Not happy times, and it doesn't always work. (Funny twist when the holy water smoked, for example, or when there's really no way to prove she's not a cylon without vivisection coming into play. And anything she knows, if they can corroborate it, is useless, and if they can't, is a lie.) I have no idea why my Psyche thinks going through these situations and emotions and having to defend herself as a human being is actually necessary.
I've also written, deleted, rewritten, rinse-and-repeat me trying to start to explain the storyline for the situation I've been thinking about since about December. It's just...it's not a bad story in itself, and it's not terribly embarrassing, I think, and yet I can't figure out how to write it or present it or whatnot. So. I might get around to writing it down here sometime, because I really do like where it's going, but eh.
In other, fannish, news:
- Ringer wins all the things, including my heart.
- Torchwood: Miracle Day was an excercise of meh-ness concluding in one final burst of "oh no you di'n't" (with a little bit of "Care Bear Stare saves the day, again" facepalming).
- Doctor Who's "The Girl Who Waited" broke my heart into a million little pieces.
- I'll be missing Supernatural's 7x01 next week, which means that a) I get to wait two more weeks until Ye Great Emotional Car Crash, b) I'll get to watch 7x01 and 7x02 back-to-back, and c) I'll be gone when the internet implodes. None of this is actually good.
Quote of the Day:
greygirlbeast, hereMy head is all fire and fucking molten nails this morning. I am the Good Ship Righteous Fucking Indignation. My threshold for douchebags will stand at zero for the foreseeable future. We're talking hellfire-and-brimstone Old Testament shit. Today, I am the nastiest pirate ship that ever plowed the Seven, and we're out for blood, and there will be rape and pillaging and cities will burn, just because.
Links of the Day:
Supernatural:
yaya_wr8t3r's Meta Why is it easier to forgive Castiel and not Sam?captainlon's Report VanCon 2011: The Misha Cruisefiercelynormal's GIFs Season 6 Gag Reeldean_sam's flocked Extended The French Mistake Clipsmia6363's Fic Guardian Angel, and Life's Other Ironiesinktrain's Fic No one taes your freedomprincess_schez's Fic As Time Goes Byseschat's Fanmix (WIP) Again, As Before, Aloneobeyshi's Fanmix Broken and Realignedmizra's Fanmix I'm a fine liner teaster ; Picspam Dean in The End, with quotes - ♥gluisa88's Fanvid I wish you the bestrumrouz's Fanvid This is wargnev_ishtar's Fanvid When my time comestoranoko's Fanvid Bye Bye Bye - *NSYNC and yet, somehow, it worksash48's Fanvid I like the way you moveCloudyvisions' Video DragonCon - Supernatural Panel, Part 1 f 6 - Quality is excelleeeeent.
Songineverheard's Video Misha crashing Sebastian's panel (and the kiss)
Ilovehatemycity's Video Interview Misha Collins, Part 1 of 3
- Tumblr's Unnatural Series
- Crowleyismyco-pilot's Meta Crowley's not "just" a demon ; Doctor Who Crossover GIF and Fic As they say in my time, the beat goes on., *waves*
- Seschat's GIF and Meta What happened to you, Cas?
- Newton_pulsifer's Doctor Who crossover GIF I am a Voice Interface
- Eastcollins' Text The story behind the picture. - That "fan staring into Misha's eyes" picture we all envy.
- Notalprechaun's Reaction and Meta to Season 7 Spoilers - SPOILERS, obviously.
- Atomicblonde's GIF and Lyrics And I wake up and I wake up and you're still dead
- Lameassmadeupmaidenname's Meta Contrary to popular belief, if Castiel were to fall and become human... ; Meta Find out which character the fans like, and make sure that the main character never crosses them. ; Meta Ranting about S6 of Supernatural and plotholes and things - *applauds* ; Twittercap Misha's GISHWHES tweet
- Oxymoronish' Twittercap Misha's GISHWHES tweet, #2
Doctor Who:
redscharlach's Fantext Future of Doctor Who "Literally Uncertain"- Lameassmadeupmaidenname's Angel Crossover Fanart and Fic You are not of this world. ; Fanart and Fic Time Crash Remix ; Fanart Why he closed the door
- Tacoface's John Barrowman unhappy with Torchwood sex scene complaints
Sherlock:
- Seschat's GIF and Quote The story of Sherlock Holmes...
- Oxymoronish's Fanvid A peppy video with peppy background music
Other Fandom:
marylou_gr's A Song of Fire and Ice Fanmix You Cut Her Hairstarsburn's Twilight Fanmix Bones By the FireWired's Why Alphas is better than Heroes
- Lameassmadeupmaidenname's BtVS AU Fic [Drabble] If Tara, not Willow, was Buffy’s friend ; Angel Fanvid Nothing We Do Matters - ;_;
- Atomicblonde's Lord of the Rings Fanart [Facing off the Witchking]
Multifandom:
- Newton_pulsifer's Masterpost - Doctor Who, Harry Potter
Random:
akzseinga's Collaborative Meta Meme We love the women that the fandom hateslienne's Fictional TV Show, "Morningstar" - Le win!Alternet's 10 Myths Many Religious People Hold About Atheists, Debunked
The Current Conscience's A Message to Women from a Man: You Are Not "Crazy" - "Gaslighting is a term, often used by mental health professionals (I am not one), to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy." If you want to see me get hysterical, tell me I'm being hysterical and I'll snap.
Social Phobia Inventory (Test) - I scored 30, where 21-30 is "Mild Social Anxiety". So not really all that mild.
- Eastcollins' Text Cassanova: "OH MY GOD HIS STORY IS EPIC"
- Newton_pulsifer's Audio Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine ; Audio Toothpaste Kisses - The Maccabees ; Scan We're gay. Get over it - The military will officially be done iwth the Don't Ask, Don't Tell polocy ;GIFs Black holes ; Video Stop-motion short with tape
- Tacoface's Table Comparison of lesbian and heterosexual women's last sexual experience
- Some_atoms' A newspaper column by Charlie Brooker that The Guardian rejected for being "too depressing" ; Book Noun - "a playful artist’s book about words and their definitions. It is like an exquisite corpse with words." ; Text Let's imagine a world without muslims, shall we? ; Text Neil Gaiman to adapt novel American Gods for HBO ; Text Institutionalizing blame
- Seschat's Quote Anne Hathaway: "I'm not being brave. I'm being a decent human being." ; Quote It's funny to me that so many people think that gender is absolutely and immutably defined by GOd and/or evolution, and at the same time...
- Oxymoronish's Audio Cobra Starship - Shwick (ft. Jump Into the Gospel), Sherlock and John - Cucumberbatchin, w.a.m.s. 8-bit - Fall Out Boy, Renegade - Styx
- Tacoface's Text Employing the logic our society uses concerning rape ; Text The Threesome Handbook - Known in fandom as "that book on threesomes Misha's wife did"
- Lameassmadeupmaidenname's Graphic How I watch movies: an infographic
* "Have You Heard" Thea Gilmore
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On another notion, d'aw - thank you so much for the love! - I'm glad things have blown over a bit and that work is coming along. <3 And of course thank you for the recs!
*hugs*
Oh, by the way, I scored a 33 on the social anxiety test, though I have no idea what "moderate social anxiety" is supposed to tell me.
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And I'm a bit squeeful about being Kafkaesque \o/ And I have read the trial! I had it on audio a few months back. It was...not as depressing as Metamorphosis. And I liked the scenes on the stairway, with the lady who wanted to sleep with him (or something like that, it's been a while).
*smish*
I don't know what it means either, but at least it's more proof that it isn't just "in our heads" and us being "lazy" and "antisocial" or whatever. Just, look, it makes us uncomfortable!
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Sorry you've had a tough time *hugs*
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Thanks. It's all been a bit of a rollerocaster in that sometimes there's the bits in freefall and sometimes there's the bits in ecstatic flight and it's still the same old track. *hugs back*
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Yay for holidays!
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*cuddles*
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