You find yourself nine thousand miles from home*

[bending_sickle]

I finished knitting the body part of the knitted toy elephant, did the bottom of its feet and one side of its belly part. I also rewatched almost all of the Black Books episodes.

Then I checked out the flist and came across Neil Gaiman embedding Tim Minchin's "White Wine In the Sun" and promptly started weeping and blubbering like I knew I would all day. And now I can't stop.

Christmas is going to suck royally because apart from the stress of all four of us being together, there's the getting-all-our-furniture-into-the-house stress and the oh-gods-will-they-like-the-presents stress and it's all pre-empted by the will-mother-approve-of-the-clothes-I've-packed 9the answer is always no) and heavily laden with the so-what-are-you-going-to-do-with-you-life-now stress. Could we please just not have the expressed (negative) emotion thingy? (I rather love that term, even though I wish I hadn't gone, "Aha! So that's what it's called!" when I learnt it in Abnormal Psychology, although the definition we got differs from Wiki's.)

What's the effect of prolonged loneliness? I'm a crying mess right now, but I think I don't have anyone right now in my life. (Right now, or for years, actually.) I mean, I've got like one person in this country, and while that friendship is strong, it's not full-time or even part-time, just sporadic. And there's talk-to-you-through-the-internet people. And as for my family, I don't know jack-squat about my brother, my dad doesn't know jack-squat about me, and my mom complains that I only call her when I'm a crying mess.

Quote of the Day: If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things by Jon McGregor**

He was talking quite slowly, breathlessly, he said and the worst thing was, it was strange, the worse thing, more than the fear of what might happen to me, what they might do or how I might get out of it, the worst thing was thinking that nobody would ever know, that I would just be missing, disappeared, vanished.

He looked at me and he said can you imagine that?

He said can you imagine anything more lonely?

Links of the Day:

vladlena205's Jeffrey Dean Morgan Icons
fancynewgin's Multifandom Icons
marylou_gr's Multifandom Icons


* Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"
** I once wrote something similar to this, but nowhere near as well. seschat liked it, bless her, and I guess that's how our friendship started, which has a sad sort of irony.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Oooh! Elephant knitting! I hope you post another picture of it when it's done. :)

That expressed emotion thingy makes me nervous. I have never known how my behaviour impacts my sister's bipolar disorder and I have no idea what the best behaviour SHOULD be around her. I feel like there's a wall I can't breach between us because I may not be entirely honest in our interactions and I don't feel as if SHE'S being entirely honest either. Oh, holiday stress.

I hope your Christmas season goes better than expected!

xxx
Kit-Kat

[bending-sickle.livejournal.com]

♥

Hey

[(Anonymous)]

Isn't it just sad that i was reading this while i was listening to Enrique Iglesias - Little girl? It made me feel so down and sorry for you that i almost cried. I just wish everything was different and easy. If it'll make you feel any better, remember that i am always thinking about you and praying you'll be okay.

Be strong ginger.

R.