bending_sickle: (Shitty day)
Oh look it's an incoherent emotional post about life and work and fuckery. Move along. Seriously, guys, it's a rambly blubbering mess of fuuuuck and confusion and fuck. And a lot of whining. Because I'm a complete moron who can't adult. )


* Common expression
bending_sickle: (Shitty day)
This is going to get messy. tldr: Real Life is shitty. )


* Stars, "Calendar Girl"
bending_sickle: (But I won't like it)
I'm currently watching Leverage (or rather, Mark Sheppard's episodes of) and the fandoms are bleeding together again. For one, Mark, who's in everything, so that's expected. Well, his suprise Mandarin wasn't, and oh it made me so happy to hear him speak in Mandarin. (Oh, Badger!). Then there's Angel's Lindsay (whose long hair has to go) and Supernatural's Jake (my favourite, by far). Speaking of Lindsay and Jake (and no, I don't know their Leverage names), they're my bro-OTP for the show. Seriously, they're like Ryan and Esposito! D'aw!

Alright, so I was going to flail about Misha's stint on Ghostfacers which was hilarious and unfilicious but my flailing is now of a different kind because all the links are gone. GIF reaction )

In other news, this fanart crossover of mine has 177 notes. *flails* Ahem. *more flailing* See, I love this about Tumblr. I don't need to pimp out my stuff - just tag it - and people like and reblog, whereas on Livejournal I'd have to pimp out on a number of communities - feeling like I'm spamming everywhere - and gods only know when the last time I got a pingback was... So yays Tumblr!

GIF Meme: Read more... )

Links of the Day:
Supernatural: Read more... )
Doctor Who: Read more... )
Sherlock: Read more... )
True Blood: Read more... )
Other Fandom: Read more... )
Multifandom: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* Meme
bending_sickle: (But I won't like it)
If you'd asked be fifteen minutes ago what today had been like, I would've said, "Pretty good, considering," but now it gets the "Utter, utter shit" verdict. What could have happened in fiftenn minutes to ruin the day, you wonder? Let us whine. )


But if you don't care about any of that, and in the fine tradition of staring new projects and leaving old ones to languish in despair, here's some Supernatural-meets-Buffy and True Blood-meets-Doctor Who fanart. Yays. SPOILERS for True Blood 4x01 )


* Spike, BtVS
bending_sickle: (Happy cup (not helping))
This morning was complete shite in the sense that I was all anxious and weepy and indecisive and batshit. Except for the bit where I finished translatin the Materials Safety Data Sheets. And watched Tue Blood. And typed out fic - not, y'know, actually wrote, just transcribed. Except for the Original Fic, which is more Sickle Goes Insane And Babbles than Original Fic. Yes, I am aware that I am not ok. I might be better, strolling along, dodos at my heels, and them, whops!, I've tripped over a chasm and am hanging onto a root for dear life, a batch of strawberries mocking me with their metaphoric wisdom.


Oh lookit, I write shit!:

Original: The Ballast Water Metaphor (Word Count: 392)

Doctor Who/Stonehenge Apocalypse: Stonehenge Antinomy (Word Count: 2969)


30 Days of Doctor Who: Day 06 – Whatever Tickles Your Fancy: Knitting! Read more... )

30 Days of Supernatural Meme: Day 6 - Your least favorite episode Read more... )

40 Days of Supernatural Meme: Day 6 - Character/actor who appeared as guest you'd like to see come back to SPN and hasn't died? Read more... )

Links of the Day: Why no, I haven't read my flist in three days, how can you tell?
Random: Read more... )


"This Girl Is Taking Bets", Thea Gilmore
bending_sickle: (Happy cup (not helping))
Everything sucks. There is a wall of text of rant and woe. )


* Dennis Miller
bending_sickle: (Happy cup (not helping))
Today is even more crap than yesterday. How crap? Sickle-rambles-on-and-on crap. That kind of crap. )

Quote of the Day: [livejournal.com profile] apiphile, here
Mood is currently somewhere between "UNDER A BUS RIGHT NOW" and "meh".

Links of the Day:

Supernatural: Read more... )
Doctor Who: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* James Joyce
bending_sickle: (Do not start with me)
Sickle's Exhausted and Disembodied Jumble of Notes:

- The only one hundred percent good thing today was the dream wherein Eric of True Blood (and novels) and I are investigating or attending or planning a social event and he's courting me and I'm just hugging the hell out of him all platonic-like there was much joy and affection. Wow, real subtle, brain.

- Italian class sucked ass today. Teacher didn't have the balls yesterday to tell us she wasn't going to be here today, despite vague hand gestures to one student yesterday indicating that she fucking knew already. Cue substitute who makes us go through one and a half bloody hours of vocabulary consisting of, "What is a kiosk? What can you buy at a kiosk? What is a library? What can you buy in a library?" followed by exercises on fucking articles which we learnt the first mother-loving day. I was so bored, I did extra exercises. Most frustrating class ever.

- After class, wandered about, had unexceptional pizza and then met up with mom to watch free movie - Semper Vivu - at the French library. It was supposed to be a comedy, but turned out to be a drama-comedy. Damnit, I'm tired of movies about people dying!

- I'm leaving tomorrow for Spain - I guess I should've said this earlier and with more bold text or something, but then those who give a rat's will read this far. I'll be back Monday. Expect more disjointed yet less often entries.

- I had a massive bout of teh crazy. It was crazy. )

- I need to be up by 6 am tomorrow. I'm hungry. My head hurts. I'm emotionally drained (or on the cusp of drowning). I'm watching Castle. Yes, there is a logic to this choice.


Quote of the Day: [livejournal.com profile] theweaselking, here
You have to realize, that I actually have replied to "Do you believe in God?" with "Well, someone is out to get me." to a complete stranger.

Links of the Day:
Supernatural: Read more... )
Lost: Read more... )
Doctor Who: Read more... )
Ashes to Ashes: Read more... )
True Blood: Read more... )
Nightmare on Elm Street (2010): Read more... )
Multifandom: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* Common expression.
bending_sickle: (For fuck's sake)
My mother just went and yelled and lectured at me in typical soul-crushing and you-so-wrong manner.

Over dental floss.

DENTAL FLOSS

Although I'd already said good night, I popped back into the television room where she was, waving a little box of dental floss. Since the box we'd been using was apparently designed for people with gaping chasms between each tooth, and thus woudln't fit between mom's or my teeth without threatening to floss out said teeth, a few days ago I'd put in the bathroom a thinner dental floss, taken out from amongst my other boxes of dental floss just waiting for their day to shine. I was just waving this new dental floss at my mother in a, "Isn't this one totally awesome? Love me!" way.

Instead, she said that that was her dental floss. That it had been her and had been in the bathroom because she'd put it there. I counter that that was unlikely, as it'd been with my stuff in my room and I'd put it in the bathroom. To which she bursts in a rage because I'm obviously an idiot of Olympic standards with a pathetic memory to boot, because it was her dental floss and she gave it to me so I could use it when I went wherever I ended up going - not that I've gone anywhere because I'm a failure and unemployed and a complete waste. So it was her dental floss. Which she gave to me. But it was hers.

I know I'm smack in the boooks part of the hormonal rollercoaster, which means everything sucks and I'm crying over it all, but godfuckingdamnit I am tired of being miserable and feeling worthless and being criticized and cut down and -

LOOK! PUPPIES!


Quote of the Day: Anon. or uncredited
Love is saying "I feel differently" instead of "You're wrong."

* Common expression
bending_sickle: (Happy cup (not helping))
My dad's doing the equivalent of being a professional doctor and telling me, who's shown up with a fucked up arm, "I don't know if it's broken! Just look it up on that website I sent you. Jeez, I already told you how hospitals import the bandages used in casts."

Not. Helping.

In other news, today has been sucktastic and wibbleliscious. Fuck you, world.

Have some links.

ETA: He just sent me another link. And hasn't listened to a thing I've said about why the fuck I need these papers, which I don't even need, really, because why else is this fucking Europe?

ETA 2: Yeah, okay, the links help and explain and all that shit, but it's his fucking job to do these things, and he sends me links? And the world sucks, have I mentioned? Sucks donkey's unmentionables. Jacob you incredible douche, you, sign me up for Island Watching, I'm so done with this shit right here.


Links of the Day:
Supernatural: Read more... )
Lost: Read more... )
Ashes to Ashes / Life on Mars: Read more... )
True Blood: Read more... )
Nightmare on Elm Street (2010): Read more... )
Multifandom: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* Blade Runner
bending_sickle: (Not my life)
I spent the whole day yesterday in my room. In fact, I spent the whole afternoon in bed. No reason, just fail. Today I managed to go out at 3 pm, although I'd been striving to leave all morning. I walked for an hour and a bit, but it was bloody cold and windy, so scurried back home and promptly continued to love-affair I've got going on with the sheets.

Obviously, I'm back on the blah train. I ought to have gone out and done something (even though this country sucks on Sundays because everything is closed, and I'll be damned if I'm going to take the train and travel far to just stare at closed cafes again). This weekend, apparently, museums were free or super cheap, but I only learnt this last night, and today was Sunday, the day of suck, as I've explained.

I seriously do not feel up to house cleaning, or chucking stuff out or whatnot. I've been mulling over Supernatural a lot with [livejournal.com profile] seschat, writing some meta, and I wrote some meta on the Winchester and Tam siblings in my previous post. Which is why - and because I'm an idiot - I'm going to try and work on the meta I've have scribbled down since the winter of 2008, I think. Anyway, the Real Heroes Give Up thing (oh, the irony!). I've only worked on it twice - once each winter - and I think I'm just making it to epic, covering too much, to be able to tackle it. So I'm going to just dive in and ramble through each section and see where that gets me.

Or I'll give up and watch something. I've gone through all of Communitychannel's videos, so that's done.

Ugh. Fail.


Meme - 30 Days - Day 23 → A YouTube video: Natalie Tran of Communitychannel. Read more... )


Links of the Day:

Supernatural: Read more... )
Doctor Who: Read more... )
Ashes to Ashes: Read more... )
Human Target: Read more... )
Multifandom: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* Simon, Firefly (shooting script)
bending_sickle: (Happy cup (not helping))
Imagine, if you will, a monkey.

Not this happy little fluff-ball, though. Imagine maybe something more like this one. With a touch of mange.

This monkey that you have imagined has been kept in social isolation for a number of months. Every so often it's gone outside and seen the other monkeys but is ignored completely. The monkey makes due with various representations of monkeys as a substitute - it has toy monkeys, recordings of monkey calls, images of monkeys socializing, and so on.

Let me tell you what's happened to the monkey. Read more... )


In similar news, I've been ill and therefore quite happy to just lie there and be ill. I've also spoken to my father, who's sent me a lot of information about the FAO and how I could do a stage there and call and make an appointment for an interview for when I go to Rome in a few weeks, although no one's ever asked me if this is something I want to do. I also spoke to my mother, who suggested I bring the monster green suitcase - the one that can easily fit in a corpse or two - with things I want to leave in Rome (also known as things I don't want to throw away when I have to leave this room).

So I'll be doing that this week, along with my suitcase for the ski trip (which I've never wanted to go to and which absolutely terrifies me, not just because skiing terrifies me, but because it's 400 people and I'm going to be all alone and awkward, not least because I refuse to bring a sheet for the toga party), and you all know how packing suitcases makes me go slightly insane with the apprehension, doubt and wiblles, and maybe I'll also the lion mane article (which at this point I just want to gut and burn with the most amount of torture possible), but that's a tad much for now.


Quote of the Day: Sri Sathya Sai Baba
Never believe that body is permanent. Body is like a water bubble. Mind is like a mad monkey.

* Thomas Carlyle
bending_sickle: (For fuck's sake)
Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go.*

Sickle's Progress:

Activity: Walked! *\o/*
Food: Fruit was had! \o/
Sociality: Text from Willy, who's back in the country, so yay, but busy, so I can't see her and then I leave the country, so feh.
Emotional Health: Down the toilet, yay. I seem to have two modes these days: brain-dead or crying-mess. Please just feed me to the sharks already.
Physical Health: OMFG what the fuck happened to my face?!?
Academics: See below. Tomorrow will be submitting-manuscript-day, yays.
Job Hunting: Fail, unless I do something now.

Still working on the manuscript for the article. Criticism! )


Links of the Day:

Lost: Read more... )
Life on Mars: Read more... )
Supernatural: Read more... )
Human Target: Read more... )
The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Read more... )
Random Fandom: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* Jaws (1975)
bending_sickle: (Happy cup (not helping))
Win: ...personal care, including hygiene and food, up to high standards (yay). Called doctor (after dilly-dallying about it for, oh, five hours). Also, CHOM 97.7 FM Online Player ♥.

Win Too Look Forward To: Castle, Bones (Hey, 5x14 has demons! I'm all over that shit. It'll be like research for the 11-fandom-crossover thing. Which will never happen.)

Fail: Job-hunting not done in favour of multiple crying bouts of utter wretchedness (yay). That's a pretty big fail right there. Caffeine-induced headache after half a mug brings what would have been a win squarely into the fail. Social interaction: 1 out of 10 (i.e. "hello" and "thank you" from public service workers). Email inbox checking: obsessive and disappointing. Zest for life: entering into the negatives.

Fail to Look Forward To: Job-hunting (let's see if we can at least google something). Body continues to be squishy and nothing's being done about that.

I Don't Know What This Is: Bought chocolate cake and sherry. Bought a birthday card for my brother, who's birthday was February 4. Went outside, but didn't take a long stroll.


Sickle's Reading List:
[livejournal.com profile] etherati's Watchmen Zombie 'Verse Series - 25 Stories (+ 9 AU, 9 AU Mashups, 2 OMFG, 11/65 drabbles) - Progress: 1 Story
[livejournal.com profile] marika_kailaya's Original Burning the Sound - 40 Chapters - Progress: 0
hmsbeta's Watchmen Partners - 66 Chapters - Progress: 0

Meme - 30 Days - Day 14 → A non-fictional book: Read more... )

Meme - "My Fine Is..." via [livejournal.com profile] badspock Read more... )

Video of the Day: "Here for a Good Time (Not a Long Time)", Trooper Embedded )

Links of the Day:

Supernatural: Read more... )
Human Target: Read more... )
Watchmen: Read more... )
Doctor Who: Read more... )
Firefly: Read more... )
Random Fandom: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* I Was A Teenage Billionaire Psychopath, JTRowland
bending_sickle: (For fuck's sake)
Today's Win: Talked to mom. Went outside for an approximately two hour walk (during the day, due to mom's prompting). Had a healthy lunch of vegetarian falafel with stuff-it-into-the-pita salad bar. Decided to call doctor tomorrow for appointment due to a) skin going back to its fucked-up status and b) fear for my kidneys (both reasons which, y'know, suck).

Today's Fail: Broke down completely after speaking with mom. (Ah, wrenching sobs of indeterminate fail, brought about by massive hormonal fuckedness, social withdrawal and panic over the future, how I loathe thee.) Didn't look for a job. (Major, major fail.) Instead, knit and watched Nevermind the Buzzcocks for fear of the Dodo of Doom dragging me down again. Also, number of tabs with fics pending to read: eight. Likewise, Human Target scribbles to be written as a review still pending, as are three dreams - to say nothing of fic - and has been pending for about a week now.

Squee of the Day: Anon.'s Watchmen Fic, Sweet Child of Mine is Updated \o/ And now goes up to eleven twenty-six!

Meme - 30 Days - Day 13 → A fictional book: Read more... )


Links of the Day:

Supernatural: Read more... )
Watchmen: Read more... )
Doctor Who: Read more... )
Lost: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* [livejournal.com profile] marika_kailaya, Striking Matches on Lungs (To Burn the Blood in Your Heart)
bending_sickle: (Happy cup (not helping))
I haven't left my room all day, save for basic needs like food and stuff. Most of my day has been spent compiling the previous 3 posts. I think this is what they mean by compulsive. And it's not like anyone's going to give two shits anyway. Once I finished the posts, though, I got dragged out of the wonderful focused zone I'd been in and promptly went into the wibble zone. I was going to go outside, even, but the wibbles wrecked havoc on that plan, and I was too afraid to pass by people in the kitchen on the way out. This is why I'd rather just not think some days. This is not a happy Sickle. It may also not be a healthy Sickle, because I forsee a need for antibiotics. It may be too early to cry havoc and let loose the dogs, but I hate my body. Also, I'm fucking starving all the god-damn motherlovin' time. And no, I don't really have food. And I'm sick of being alone lonely.

In other news, Supernatural was awesome.

ETA: I dreamt last night that Freddy Kreuger (identified but not seen) was after me at night in a small town, around picnic tables and things like that in a horrible cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek thing, except when he caught me, or I caught him, his face came right off, like a squishy mask, and it was the saddest thing in the world, and so was he. [I may have read too many fics wherein Rorschach is forced to remove his mask. Or maybe the sadness is from something else.]

Quote of the Day: "Tiny Vessels", Death Cab for Cutie
So when you ask "Is something wrong?"
I think "You're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."


Meme - 30 Days - Day 10 → A photo of you taken over ten years ago: Read more... )

Links of the Day:

Supernatural: Read more... )
Human Target: Read more... )
Random Fandom: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* [livejournal.com profile] lucylou, current comic
bending_sickle: (Rorschach)
I haven't done anything today. I complain. )

I did talk to my dad yesterday. It's funny (in a sad wet weasel sort of way) that my relationship with my dad is so much better over the phone, and especially when my mom's not there (because then dad'll just pass me off to her). I mean, civil conversations and sharing and caring and all! The first day I tried to find some sort of job and panicked and cried all day, I talked and vented to him, and it was nice. Why can't this happen face-to-face? Like, I have this conditioned response in his presence to freak out and rage, but over the phone, it's like, Daddy!


In other news, I cannot watch Watchmen's prison-shrink scene without ranting and raving at the psychologist's utter, utter fail. (One day, I might even write the fail down. Because there is so. much. fail. And I'm not even a psychologist, much less a trained and licensed maximum-security-prison criminal psychologist.) Which leads me to the crack desire to see Clarisse of Silence of the Lambs interview Rorschach. At least she'd do a better job.

In related news, I watched Dollhouse's next-to-last episode ever (die, Fox) and had the crack desire to have Rorschach find out about the Dollhouse and rant about it. Because I'm obsessed (yes, we know) I like his moral rants.

I neither have the skills nor the knowledge to write either of these, and they're so cracked out and random in what I'm finding to be a relatively-small fandom that I can't just hope they'll already exist. And it's not the sort of thing you can ask for in a kink meme...is it?


Meme of the Day: Fan Fiction Personality Test Read more... )


Video of the Day: Hello Saferide "25 Days" - I think I love this band! Embedded )


Links of the Day:

Watchmen: Read more... )
Doctor Who: Read more... )
Life on Mars: Read more... )
Supernatural: Read more... )
Random Fandom: Read more... )
Random: Read more... )


* Rorschach, Watchmen
bending_sickle: (Crying Dean)
I finished knitting the body part of the knitted toy elephant, did the bottom of its feet and one side of its belly part. I also rewatched almost all of the Black Books episodes.

Then I checked out the flist and came across Neil Gaiman embedding Tim Minchin's "White Wine In the Sun" and promptly started weeping and blubbering like I knew I would all day. And now I can't stop.

Christmas is going to suck royally because I am a pessimist )

What's the effect of prolonged loneliness? Read more... )

Quote of the Day: If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things by Jon McGregor**
He was talking quite slowly, breathlessly, he said and the worst thing was, it was strange, the worse thing, more than the fear of what might happen to me, what they might do or how I might get out of it, the worst thing was thinking that nobody would ever know, that I would just be missing, disappeared, vanished.

He looked at me and he said can you imagine that?

He said can you imagine anything more lonely?


Links of the Day:

[livejournal.com profile] vladlena205's Jeffrey Dean Morgan Icons
[livejournal.com profile] fancynewgin's Multifandom Icons
[livejournal.com profile] marylou_gr's Multifandom Icons


* Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"
** I once wrote something similar to this, but nowhere near as well. [livejournal.com profile] seschat liked it, bless her, and I guess that's how our friendship started, which has a sad sort of irony.
bending_sickle: (Default)
So I fail at life. I haven't done anything all weekend that's worth mentioning. Oh, sure, I wrote that Dean&Castiel scene (although there's a coda pending) and got the fanmix all finished, but apart from that, nothing. Well, and I cleaned the house.

And I've seen the CreateSpace regulations on the use of photographs and all that (which is basically "No permission, no photo!", which, duh) so I've streamlined the version they'll be getting, deleting pictures, the author's journal and fanmix thing. So it's just a bunch of text. I am much too deep in the pit of blah to squee about this.

All weekend I've been meaning to do the edits for my final thesis draft, and just thinking about it is a gigantic uphill struggle. I know, whine more, right? To say nothing of the Lion Observation Database, which is going to have to be completely reworked and holy everloving gods, that's just going to kill me. Too. Many. Datasheets.

Presentation tomorrow! Woe! And I haven't even practiced it because I suck! (No, really, I do. I cannot get my shit together anymore.)

I haven't even gone out today. Or, you know, seen anyone.

*slinks off to edit*


Links of the Day:
Supernatural: Read more... )
Random Fandom: Read more... )


* William D. Brown, Welcome Stress!
bending_sickle: (Facepalm)
Can't write. Spending ages to write half sentence, then groaning into hands as press delete. Fucking discussion section.

Also everything in my body aches today.

And attention span dead.

Gah.

/whine


Links of the Day:

Supernatural: Read more... )
Random - Livejournal Read more... )
Random - Intarwebs Read more... )


* Mutant Enemy Productions

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